The Fleming Report - April

[Alan75]

April Review by Bob Fleming

“Hey honey what you trying to say,

As I stand here,

Don’t you walk away,

And the world comes tumbling down” – so sang Jim Reid of top indie pop combo The Jesus and Mary Chain many moons ago in the song “April Skies”.

And it’s totally irrelevant. Apart from it has the word April in the title. So that’ll do for me. It’s not been the best of months though has it?

I’m doing this now before the Charlton match for a couple of reasons: I’ll have more to say in May and defeat on Saturday would be too depressing to write about. So gird your loins and let's head to the start of the month….

Continued.........

[Alan75]

Monday 3 April – Rovers 1 Wigan Athletic 1 – The chase for the champions league spot is now in full swing, no doubt scouts from the likes of Barcelona and Juventus will be tuning in to see what they might have to face next season.

Skefki Kuqi.

The big fella scored in the 84th minute to salvage a point for us in this one. You can knock him all you like, probably best to use a bulldozer, but you’ve got to admit he’s got some very important goals for us. In fact I’ve just worked it out, using the power of sums, his goals have earnt us 10 points this season. A great return for someone with the first touch of a wheelbarrow.

Paul Jewell, the cheeky chirpy Scouser that he is, accused the referee of being a bit rubbish. Just because Lucas “Lion of Sydney” Neill was pushed into their Spanish keeper, Juan-Feelan, who dropped the ball he feels his team was hard done to.

Well unlucky pal! What about the goal we should have in the 2nd half when Bellamy was clearly brought down when through on goal? Or when Pedersen scored but the game was stopped as Dickov was adjudged to have put Juan-Feelan off with one of his hard stares?

In truth, looking back, on reflection, at the end of the day Brian, a draw was about right. We didn’t play well, they didn’t let us. Oh by the way MGP showed exactly why I think he’ll be a Rovers player next season, he just didn’t fancy it.

Thursday 6 April – Fresh from their “Let’s get behind Accy Stanley for promotion” campaign, launched when Stanley were walking away with the league, the Lancashire Evening Telegraph launches a “Let’s get behind Blackburn Rovers” initiative in an attempt to increase attendances….. with three homes games to go. This’ll be followed up in October with a “Win tickets to the World Cup Final” and the inevitable “Help beat the drought” campaigns.

Saturday 8 April – Portsmouth 2 – Rovers 2. Two fantastic goals from Bellamy in this one. What can you say about Craig Bellamy? Well other than he scored two fantastic goals in this one you can also say that he’s rather good. I’d even go as far as saying he’s the best forward we’ve had since Alan Shearer. Let’s just pray he’s here next season.

Unfortunately we were up against a resurgent Pompey. They scored through Louie Louie and Toddisoff. They look favorites to stay up to me in this form, they did us a favour and drew with Arsenal four days later an all.

On the journey back Rovers were hit by lightning. If only Bellamy was flying the plane, they’d have been too quick for it. Apparently the pilot saw some clouds, said they’d be some turbulence and to let him do the worrying. He then weighed the situation up and decided to head straight for the cloud bank instead of driving round it like what I’d have done. It’s so obvious, and it makes you wonder how people get these jobs. What else does he do? Does he stand under trees on golf courses with his umbrella up when there’s a storm? When changing a bulb does he stick his tongue in the light socket to check if he’s turned the power off? Does he have a season ticket for turf moor?

Monday 10 April – Rovers sign Zurab Khizanishvili (or Johnny Slippers as I call him, there’s something not quite right about a centre half wearing white boots) from Rangers for an undisclosed fee. I can exclusively reveal though that we got him for free. Rangers felt a bit guilty about the Amourso and Ferguson thing and didn’t have the front to ask for any money.

Then again we got Tugay and he signed a new contract that’ll keep him at Ewood until the end of next season, so maybe things have evened themselves out? Nah.

Saturday, no sorry, Sunday. Or was it Saturday? Who knows, it’s all very confusing. Anyway, round about the middle of the month we played Liverpool at home. The LET campaign is clearly working as Liverpool sold out the entire Darwen End and we enjoy one of our biggest gates of the season.

Blackburn Rovers 0 Liverpool 1. Robbie Fowler scored the only goal of the game. Cisse was so far offside he was spotted in the concourse of the Blackburn End buying a pie. A dreadful decision by the officials as it went against us but the problem surely is that the rule is open to interpretation. Does anyone think that had it been us on the attack, and say for example Bentley was stood in an offside position, then it wouldn’t have been a free kick? Of course it would, the linesman would have had his arm up quicker than Cisse changes his hair style.

More depressing news was to follow though I’m afraid. Wednesday 19 April. Big Club 2 Blackburn Rovers 1. Mucky Butt and Fossil with the goals for one of the biggest clubs in Europe, this result briefly got them out of the bottom three. Ex Big Club player and still a favourite with the locals, Roberto de Savage scored our goal, an equalizer on 78mins. It came from a parried shot, which was taken with a complete lack of a sense of humour, but very efficiently, from our German substitute Sergio Peter.

Andy Todd spat his dummy out, something that he seems to make a habit of round about this time of year, by throwing the captains arm band to the floor on being substituted for the defensively inept Aaron Mokeona. He nearly gave a penalty away, he’s a liability I’m afraid and should only play in that defensive midfield role. Hey! But what do I know?

Mark Hughes was last spotted on the M65 looking for some wheels that have fallen off.

Still it’s not all bad news, no game now until Saturday 29 April.

Thursday 20 April. 6.50pm. I get a phone call from Mark Hughes. “Here we go” I thought, he’s going to give me some grief about something I’ve said on the website, but no. He starts telling me about the early bird season ticket renewal scheme. I tried to stop him and explain that I’ve already renewed but what does he do? He just talks all over me, extremely rude, he just didn’t listen. Of course I appreciate his efforts and taking the time to give me a call but in the end I just put the phone down on him. I wonder if this is how he does his team talks?

Brian Kidd would have listened. And lit a candle.

Friday 21 April. Further revelations are er, revealed, about the Brum match. Despite nearly everyone connected with Birmingham City slagging Robbie Savage off in the press for the last 16 months to anyone who’d listen, and there are many, David Gold insists that he is now over that episode and wishes Savage could put it behind him. What a nice fella eh? During the warm up for the big match with the Big Club and with all Big Club’s fans booing his every move, Robbie turns down the kind offer to shake Gold’s hand. Bizarrely Gold can’t understand why.

Monday 24 April. BRFCS.com member, half man / half duck, Yorkshire exile and Rovers addict Jordan (clearly no relation to the blow up doll of the same name) wins the prestigious title of Rovers fan of the year. Jordan has been to the last 259 consecutive games. Seeing how he lives in Harrogate that makes them all away games in my book! Well done that man!

Tuesday 25 April. The debate about whether or not Craig Bellamy has a release clause in his contract reaches new heights and spins out of control. Does he or doesn’t he? No one knows. It’s exciting stuff.

The LET ran an exclusive interview with the jet heeled Welsh weasel earlier in the season where Bellamy confirmed that he doesn’t, since then ‘award winning’ sports reporter Andy Neild has forgotten that he carried out this interview and the Lancashire Evening Telegraph now report that such a thing may well exist.

Earlier this year they also point out, among other things, just how expensive it is to go to football these days, how much better it is to be a "Sports" fan in the USA, and isn’t it obscene just how much money the players earn these days. All of which were reasonably interesting articles, but presumably did not form part of their campaign to increase attendances at Ewood Park. With friends like these…

So we’re back to where we started, no not the Jesus and Mary Chain, Charlton away. So come on lads! Get back to what you’re good at. Two more wins and this’ll be a remarkable season. European qualification would exceed all expectations.

I mentioned earlier that defeat at Charlton would be unthinkable. Maybe, maybe not. On their day our team can beat anyone in this league, especially a hung over Chelsea. It’s in our hands. Two home games to come of a great season, raise the roof, VE Day atmosphere, be the 12th man, roar us into Europe, etc etc

You get the picture. Come on Rovers!