[Archived] Look What I Found On The Internet

[Sandiway Blue]

A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

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13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!

[Glenn]

[Stuart]

Genius

[Audax]

I like some Zep, Girl group does when the Levee breaks. And it is very much like the LZ original recording (though I think Levee may be another one of those tunes LZ took a bit from another artist, still a great song.).

Edited July 25, 2015 by Audax

[Stuart]

Here, Audax, if you like female covers of LZ songs...

[Audax]

Thank you! Excellent.

[Audax]

11 signs you were in the British church in the 90s

1. You were involved in at least one evangelistic street drama:

2. True responsibility was being asked to run the OHP during worship:

3. You were certain this song was going to get to no.1:

Delirious (or Delirou5, or Delirious?, depending on which graphic designer was working that day) were the British Christian band of the 1990s, and the thrill of being able to buy a copy of 'King of Fools' at your local branch of HMV sent joyous shockwaves around the church. There was one weekend in 1997 when a rumour circulated among youth groups everywhere that somehow the single 'Deeper' had made it to no.1 in the UK charts. Then it popped up at no.20 on David Jensen's Network Chart show, and we all felt terribly disappointed.

4. You got up really early one Saturday morning to go on a March for Jesus:

5. You wore one of these without a hint of irony:

6. This guy was an actual celebrity:

No, not the guy on the right (who was the 'surprise' guest at every Christian gig of the 90s) but Steve Chalke, now better known as an educationalist, abolitionist and pantomime villain. Back in the 90s, Chalke was the darling of the evangelical scene, wowing people with his no-nonsense teaching on sexual purity and his frequent appearances on the GMTV sofa. If you stood behind him in a queue at a Christian conference, you'd begin whispering excitedly to your friends, as if you'd suddenly spotted Tom Cruise. He went a bit nuts in the following decade, making some odd career choices and following a controversial religious path. But enough about Tom Cruise.

7. You went to Spring Harvest and bought armfuls of talk tapes you never listened to again:

8. Your parents made you watch McGee and me on VHS instead of normal kids' programmes:

9. You learned to play the guitar, and you had one of these:

10. You helped fill* Wembley Stadium for a Noel Richards gig:

11. You bought this album, and thought it was better than Michael Jackson's Thriller:

http://www.christiantoday.com/article/11.signs.you.were.in.the.british.church.in.the.90s/60999.htm

Read above web page for more, this won't ring a bell with anyone I bet.

[JC4LAB]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGoF4sGuw0A

Heart have done lots of Led Zep covers and were big fans and followers in the 70s .

[Audax]

Velocette in its heyday, what a ride. Anybody know about these or other older brands, just looking at the photos is a thrill. They were very unique looking.

[Jock]

Velocette in its heyday, what a ride. Anybody know about these or other older brands, just looking at the photos is a thrill. They were very unique looking.

Can't believe you've put these pics on today. I saw a Velocette riding through Warton near the Bae entrance yesterday.

Didn't the cops use back in 50/60's ?

[adopted scouser]

[T J Hooker]

what an ugly little jumped up attention seeking gobs#### he is, as if he's in any position to criticise geldof, bono or anybody else's appearance.

Edited September 14, 2015 by T J Hooker

[adopted scouser]

what an ugly little jumped up attention seeking gobs#### he is.

Geldof, I know.

[Baz]

I think he may have high blood pressure and anger issues.

There's plenty of people to get angry about, choosing those who have raised hundreds of millions seems like a strange target.

Also not sure he should be recording his rant whilst driving around town. Hardly in full control is he?

[Amo]

[Audax]

Fun video, dogs get in the action too:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=117&v=LOTECjlwKCs

Read here too: http://mashable.com/2015/12/16/jedi-cats-yoda/#eECjwHN8nqqx

[Audax]

I'm sure a lot of people know this game but I was not previously aware of how it was played though I saw one of these when I was probably 6 years old.

Tower of Hanoi

http://www.mathsisfun.com/games/towerofhanoi.html

"Object of the game is to move all the disks over to Tower 3 (with your mouse).
But you cannot place a larger disk onto a smaller disk."

Try it maybe with 3 discs first and as you progress, work your way up. 3 seems kind of easy once you get the hang of it but it gets more complex with each additional disc.

Nook, etc. I know a lot of other places have this game.

Edited January 18, 2016 by Audax

[Dreyski]

Found some good Sporcle quizzes:

http://www.sporcle.com/games/KevinMillar3/BlackburnRovers00s

http://www.sporcle.com/games/Freddie/football-league-xis-blackburn-rovers

http://www.sporcle.com/games/SallyJarvis1990/every-blackburn-rovers-premier-league-goalscorer

[Doug]

Anybody who uses google maps, type in gobshites and see where it takes you!

Apologies if this has been posted before.

[VinjayV4]

Anybody who uses google maps, type in gobshites and see where it takes you!

Apologies if this has been posted before.

Old Scumford?

[Audax]

[Doug]

Old Scumford?

Nope

[Baz]

British humour......

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/boaty-mcboatface-could-be-the-name-of-200m-research-vessel-after-public-vote-a6942551.html

[perthblue02]

One of the artists impressions of one landing side of the new Perth cable car system, is it just me or does anybody else think the Sculpture part might not be suitable for a public area ?

http://www.watoday.com.au/wa-news/cable-car-plan-to-cut-perth-cbd-congestion-20150919-gjqfnp.html

Edited March 23, 2016 by perthblue02

[Baz]

One of the artists impressions of one landing side of the new Perth cable car system, is it just me or does anybody else think the Sculpture part might not be suitable for a public area ?

http://www.watoday.com.au/wa-news/cable-car-plan-to-cut-perth-cbd-congestion-20150919-gjqfnp.html

Thats a boomerang you filthy minded.....