[Archived] Match review: Rovers 4 Man City 2

[rover6]

Research commissioned by the BRFCS Institute for the Further Understanding of Simple and Sub-simple Life-forms in Galaxies of Little or Sub-little Importance.

Abstract: Adopting Earthling form through the process of type-B molecular absuction, I, Rover6, travelled to Planet 8#8345566^42a [‘Earth’] to research and report back on the imminent recreational confrontation intended by two Earthling tribal groups, Blackburn Rovers and Man City.

Verdict: The operation was successful and the report submitted before the deadline set by High Operator of BRFCS, Den. Thus, banishment from Planet BRFCS and subsequent Eternal Universal Flotsam Treatment was avoided. Minor subterranean grey matter displacement was suffered as a result of the molecular absuction process but otherwise the operation was unerring.

Methodology: Earthling form was taken, specifically, quadri-limbed thorax, one head covered by lank, dark follicle growth. The description Grabbi Isgay was adopted as a sufficiently unobtrusive Earthling name.

Findings:

Blackburn Rovers: On infiltration of the Blackburn proselyte, it soon became apparent that confidence is low. Reasons for this include a poor crop harvest, rising immigration and the inability of Blackburn’s representative warriors to win football matches. Four confrontations have been endured and no victories have been established. This has left the tribal group second from last in the list of achievement founded by the Premier League authority.

Reasons for this inefficiency are manifold. Firstly, the key representative midfield players, Morten Gamst Pedersen and Steven Reid, are suffering World Cup hangovers. An ailment usually associated with actually playing in a World Cup, it is submitted that their visionary organs have been exhausted by watching World Cup confrontations on television and this has affected their form.

Secondly, Finnish/Albanian witchdoctor, Shefki Kuqi, has departed, meaning that his ability to curse the opposition into submission is no more. Kuqi was forced out by the now infamous Senator Benni McCarthy-orchestrated witch-hunt, taking refuge in the palace of the Kingdom of Crystal.

Thirdly, chief, Mark Hughes, has opted not to re-enforce his midfield with creative force and pace, resulting in a deficiency in chance creation for new recruits, Jason Roberts, Fanny Jeffers and Senator Benni McCarthy.

Man City: There is not much to say about this tribe barring the fact that they only permit males, as suggested by their name, into their collective. It is not clear, in which case, an exception has been made for Paul Dickov – unless his name is used as a sophisticated bluff and not proof of his gender re-alignment experience. There are merely two genders in the Earthling species and Blackburn Rovers represent the more liberal tribes in allowing females into their clan (Robbie Savage, Fanny Jeffers etc.).

Man City lie 10th in the list of achievement having been successful in defeating Arsenal. (pre- Reading tie).

Notable earthlings:

Fanny Jeffers: This artist is known by the title ‘Fox in the Box.’ She earned the nickname as a result of her most esoteric of her varied artistic works. The Earthling art world was astounded with the sheer audacity of Jeffers when she submerged an urban fox in a container of formaldehyde and pronounced it art. Thus, the now famous nickname was born. It is rumoured that Arsenal Wenger was so enraptured by this artistic achievement, that he spent £10 million to bring the remarkable display to London. Others have suggested that Wenger was actually seduced by the ostentatious ears of Jeffers (a mark of beauty amongst Earthlings) and a brief but passionate relationship ensued.

As a result of the artistic counter-revolution, Jeffers was consigned to the wilderness and forced to re-invent herself as a world-class diving instructor to survive. It remains to be seen if Blackburn benefit. [Edit enacted: Jeffers may miss the clash if his 3 match ban in not overturned this week.]

Ben Thatcher: This player will not feature in the confrontation due to him being quarantined by his tribe. Thatcher suffers from a rare Earthling syndrome known as ‘Tennis Elbow.’ Sufferers are liable to suddenly believe that their elbow is a tennis racket and that a nearby person’s face is a ball, and an impact must result to ensure match point is not wasted. It is submitted that Thatcher is an Earthling to watch, not because he will influence the game in a telepathic manner, but because he may pose a threat to any BRFCS planetary member who makes the 268.77a light year journey to attend the confrontation, should he escape from his cell.

Personnel News:

Blackburn Rovers: Michael Gray is out with excess libido and a bruised face. Lucas Neill may continue to play as the opposition’s secret weapon. The availabilities of Steven Reid and Roberts are still unclear, although Ryan Nelsen will miss the event through long-term injury incurred whilst escaping from the clutches of media mogul Lord Arry of Redknapp.

Man City: This event could see the first exposure of versatile right urinal star DeMarcus Beasley to English climactic conditions. Man City engage in a bizarre display of strength by Reading holy texts today and casualties may be incurred and force withdrawals for next week.

Conclusion:

Despite what has been rumoured, the outcome of this confrontation will not decide the future of this particular galactic region. Earthling destructive capacity only extends to the nuclear sundering of minor continents – which is a very unlikely consequence of this tie. It is suggested that the outcome will depend upon another event, namely Blackburn Rovers Imperial operations in Country Austria in UEFA Jug competition. Should Rovers suffer another defeat, morale will diminish and Man City will earn a comfortable victory. However, if Rovers win or earn a creditable stalemate, they are likely to find a another stalemate against Man City – 1-1.

Due to the large distance from Earth, our planet BRFCS should not be affected seriously by the outcome. If Rovers are defeated, those of octa-neuro-capacity may experience an uncharacteristic desire for immediate death or, less seriously, immediate regime-change. However, these symptoms are nothing that a few beers and a good night’s kip won’t exacerbate.

Edited September 11, 2006 by rover6

[S15]

Dude, you are sooooooooooo single aren't you.

[AggyBlue]

Dude, you are sooooooooooo single aren't you.

Different

My brain hurts

[Jan]

Extremely clever!

Loved it

[ihtd]

Rovers 1

Man Citeh 0

Dickov to play well for them and probably will make a fool of Ooijer, also probably give a penalty away...again but big Brad Friedel makes another super save.

Scorer for us-Savage

[AxesFirstTouch]

At Least the sales of Oxford Dictonaries should improve now

[G Somerset Rover]

I'm going for another 1-1. Citeh to frustrate us as Everton did a couple of weeks ago. Improved performance but still no win. Oh and obviously Dickov to score their goal just to rub salt into the wound.

[frosty]

1-0

Bentley

[James No. 7]

Man City engage in a bizarre display of strength by Reading holy texts today and casualties may be incurred and force withdrawals for next week.

I damn well hope so, not only for Rovers' sake, but also for my hip pocket. I've got a sum of money on them for a win. Have a feeling about them. Man City are looking a poor side at the moment.

Anyway, I waited a bit before replying to see the reaction to this thread. It's different, I tell you that, and I read it all, which I almost never do.

I'm up for a 1-0 win for Rovers (bold makes it easier for The Gull to spot). It is essential to win this game. If we lose then we really do have to ask questions of ourselves, despite being approximately in sync at this point last season in terms of points.

Come on Rovers!

[Presty On Tour]

well that was different!!!

[daren]

3-0 to the Rovers. Nonda and McCarthy to start (that's a given really, I reckon) and both the score. Bentley to score from a wayward pass

[Tango]

Made me chuckle, even if I don't know what half the words mean!

Very good, rover6!

I might actually make a prediction for this one and say 3-1 to Rovers.

We've gotta win sometime after all!

[stuwilky]

The first home league match ive missed for several seasons due to copious amonts of overtime available.

Therefore, Rovers 2 - 0 ManCity

[Jan]

The first home league match ive missed for several seasons due to copious amonts of overtime available.

Therefore, Rovers 2 - 0 ManCity

Ooh, but doesn't that mean your season ticket was a hideous waste of money???? Sue the club I say

[stuwilky]

Ooh, but doesn't that mean your season ticket was a hideous waste of money???? Sue the club I say

Damn right, moving the game to a damn Sunday and not even having the courtesy to make sure the UEFA match was on the telly.

Is now a good time to admit that Im working saturday as well? 25 hours in one weekend. Stupid. Just hope I have a group match to spend it on!

[pksrover]

Damn right, moving the game to a damn Sunday and not even having the courtesy to make sure the UEFA match was on the telly.

Is now a good time to admit that Im working saturday as well? 25 hours in one weekend. Stupid. Just hope I have a group match to spend it on!

don't you worry stu, the match will probably be sh1te anyway...

Rovers 4 - 0 Citeh

McCarthy x2

Neill (pen)

Mokoena (coming on as a sub and scoring a cracker of a goal, cross from Friedel who is way out of position, and Mokoena scores on a perfect overhead kick)

Edit: ...I promise I will call the doctor tomorrow... :ph34r:

Edited September 11, 2006 by pks1984

[stuwilky]

That Robbie Savage hairdo has gone to your head Paal.

[pksrover]

That Robbie Savage hairdo has gone to your head Paal.

I got rid of that during the summer stu, I finally came to my senses...well at least I thought I did..

[Flopsy]

Man City lost tonight - havent scored in open play for 6 hours, havent won away since 1996.

0-3 Citeh - Dickov, Dickov, Dickov

[ihateburnley]

Rovers 2 - 0 City

An incredibly boring game settled by a penalty that shouldnt have been, and a goal that was well offside.

[Wolverine]

One goal in four games from a team that bought twelvety million strikers in the close season is a poor do, i've always said.

Now I am in a quandary. Do I go for optimism, as required of a football fan, or the cynicism as a Rovers fan?

2-0 to Rovers, Hey Nonny Nonda and Pedersen Gamst.

Ironically I did spell Mort's name wrong, but I do struggle with names longer than five letters...

Edited September 11, 2006 by Wolverine

[Nayef]

Rovers 0 Referee 1

[Perth_Rover]

Rovers 1-0Citeh

[philipl]

The start of three games we have to win against clubs who will be looking at us as decent three point opportunities- that's the price of making a poor start.

Thankfully, this Citeh side is pretty poor and will be missing some of its competitive umph following disciplinary problems.

Rovers 2 Citeh 0

Hopefully a repeat of last season's routine end of season match.

[krislu]

If we loose this one we might well hear the old phrase "it's time to stand up and be counted". This is a very important game for us, and nothing but a win will do.

City have a very average squad, and these are the kind of teams we should get win against, at least at Ewood Park.

Rovers 2

ManC 1