[Archived] Rovers 0-1 United

[vyeo]

These are dark days; all is not well at Planet Ewood; the Dark Mark looms over the ground. Facing the onset of winter, the Jedis have lost their last three domestic battles. Events have conspired against them, injuries robbing them of their bravest warriors, officials screwing them over and over again. The next battle lies around the corner, a fight against mighty opponents. We begin this preview then, with a look back in history.

In the year 1992P.L, a galaxy named the English Premier League was formed. Since then, it has been plagued by a state of Galactic civil war. Twenty factions compete at any one time, but only four have ruled at one point or another. The most dominant is the Red Scum, led by the Sith Lord Darth Ferguson, who triumphed in 8 out of the 14 wars. The French Daisies come a distant second with 3 wins, and a Blue Mafia financed by dirty money and led by a classless, perpetual liar, has emerged to dominate the last two years.

In popular opinion, the weakest faction is the fourth, the Blue and Whites. Depicted as a ragbag of thugs and renegades by the Galaxy’s supposedly-free-press, the truth is that there is a never ending campaign of propaganda against this faction. In Galaxy-wide discourse, it is almost as if this faction had never triumphed; any trace of its brief one year rule seems to have been erased from the memory of all but a few. For them, the line in the history books noting the success of this faction stands out like a pimple on an otherwise flawless face; an eyesore that must be eradicated. The problem is structural, the forces combine to exert power over this faction. Disliked by the press, disliked by officials, it seems an uphill battle to even just survive.

The recent emergence of the Blue Mafia has meant that the evil Scum empire has been in decline since 2003P.L. However, the Red Scum has shown signs of revival in 2006-07P.L. Most recently, a 4 goal win over a bunch of rogues including a French mercenary and spitting diver, as well as a 3 goal success over a faction of pretenders to the Blue Mafia is evidence that the revival is well underway. The Scum current sit pretty at the top of the table.

This evil faction returns to Ewood Park on 11 Nov to face the Blue and White Jedis. In the last battle of Ewood nine months ago, a young English Padawan had answered the call to arms. A day before that epic battle of 1 Feb 2006P.L, Padawan Bentley saw the Light, left the Frenchies and joined the Jedi order for good. In a team missing the influential Bellamy Skywalker, he delivered three bloody blows to the evil empire, sending them back to Scum Trafford with their horned heads hanging. Clearly, The Force was strong with this lad.

Since that epic battle, the Order has seen many changes. The popular Finnish renegade Kuqi left the camp, as did the little Scot, Dickov.

The most crucial and unplanned loss however, was Skywalker. Having seemingly settled well into The Way of the Jedi, he had risen quickly to become the most important Jedi of them all. Yet, when overtures were made him by a Spanish faction from the Dark Side, one who had never gained power in the P.L era, Bellamy Skywalker was swayed, and walked. When he walked out of the Blue and White Order barely 12 months after joining it, the faction’s small band of loyal followers could not accept it. “Why?” they cried, “You were the Chosen One!”

In response, the Grandmaster Sparky recruited five new fighters: two Africans, one Dutch and one Grenadian. The further addition of Jeffers the Faded Daisy baffled many, but since following the Way, he has shown signs of rediscovering the Force within himself.

The faction have had a mixed set of results in 2006-07P.L. A rough start saw them lose several battles, before going 8 unbeaten. This was followed by 3 domestic defeats, heavily influenced by unjust officiating, begging the question, who actually enforces the rules of engagement? No one, or is it just one set of rules for the Jedis, and another for everybody else? In any case, this poor run of results heralds the visit of the Scum.

The Kiwi Knight, de-facto leader of the faction, and the Irish engine-man Reid have both been injured and not featured. In the leadership position, a Dark-side wannabe has been installed. His head swayed, his intentions appear to be all too obvious. Yet, as long as he remains part of the Order, Grandmaster Sparky does his utmost to bring him back on to the side of the Light. The Kiwi’s position on the battlefield has been taken by the Dutchman, who is beginning to settle in after initially looking worse than the pet Italian Stallion of disgraced former master, Graeme Sour. The Viking Singer, ever popular last term, has come in for criticism for not pulling his weight in recent battles, while the shaggy hound Savage picked up a recent injury and will not feature.

On the bright side, the aged but evergreen Turk Tugda can still be counted on to weave the magic, and Superman Brad is still super. The African Warriors have settled in well, Benni in particular landing seven knockout punches already, potentially propelling him into the rank of Jedi Knight. The brightest sparks however, have been the re-emergence of R2D2 Emerton. Version1 in 2003P.L was well received, Version2 came in for some flack a year later, and everyone wanted to send Version3 to the scrap-yard last year. This new version4, deployed at right back with a new operating system, has been a massive upgrade over all previous versions. The other revelation has been young Padawan Bentley: Under the tutelage of the Jedi Council led by Grandmaster Sparky, and Jedi Masters Bowen and Niedzwicki, the young one has come on in leaps and bounds.

Against this backdrop, the Jedis, depleted as they are, must go to battle. The meek surrender at Villa Park must be forgotten, and never repeated. Recent history is on the side of the underdogs, yet the Scum are in rampaging form. With a decreasing number of supporters and revenue, it is possible that one day, this small, unpopular faction may be indeed be banished; but they say fortune favours the brave, and this is not the day. This day, WE FIGHT.

[tchocky]

Excellent work man

[1864roverite]

very good read first thing for a Tuesday morning after a beasting in the gym by a pretty little lady

We have certainly been manure's bogey team in recent league games, this bogey is about to come to a shuddering halt on Saturday evening infront of the cameras.

I fear that the resurgent united team will completey destroy a fragile Rovers team within the first 20 minutes and then sit back and relax as the enter comfort zone pre champions league football.

Rovers 0-4 united

the darkest day in November, a month that is truly not one to savour for any Rovers fan. But, hey God, if your listening, have a word with Uncle Jack and show us race and favour

[daveoftherovers]

United should help us again, I vote they play Rio in Midfield again!

The lads need to get up for this, Utd are like anyone else, if you get into them, they don't like it and are as capable as losing the plot as anyone else, we need Brad to be on top form, a lot of luck, some bravery, a good ref and some effort

... So on 2nd thoughts.

[DAZCLARKE]

Can't see us getting anything from this to be honest...

[G Somerset Rover]

As Dave just said we'd need quite some luck and effort to beat Utd without our key players. They're the form team in the prem right now and I just cannot see us getting close to them. Were struggling to score any-they're banging them in for fun and we're conceding too many whilst they boast the prem's tightest defence.

If we're to have even half a chance I think that we need both Neil and Emo at full back-because Ronaldo (and even Giggs) will murder anyone else with their pace and trickery. But then again couldn't we do with one of those in central midfield?

Either way it doesn't matter in the end:

Rovers 0

Utd 3

Edited November 7, 2006 by Somerset Rover!

[stuwilky]

What a good preview!

I am worried about this one!

[LeftWinger]

I don't even dare watch :ph34r:

This could be very embarassing - especially as the missus is a United fan.

[daveoftherovers]

Let's just hope they are over confident again, Hughes will have done his homework too.

Hard to beat looks like the best option

[gazsimm]

no chance for us i am affraid, :

rovers 1 man U 3

[DanLad]

Nice preview!

[ihtd]

Rovers 0

United 5

We are due a good spanking by the scum and it will more than likely come on Saturday

[pleasure]

i'm gonna go for 0-0.

similar to the game in season 1992/3.

[james19830822]

Rovers 1 - 0 Scum

Bentley scored at 90+3 minute with another generous assist from Mr Rio Ferdinand.

[James No. 7]

My predictions:

- 4-3 to the Rovers.

- Blackburn End sings "Rio is a Rover!"

[pksrover]

My prediction:

Rovers 4 - 0 Man Utd

Jeffers 7, 34

Peter 56

Derbyshire 84

Ferdinand s/o 34 for a late tackle at Savage (who sits in the VIP stand), Ferdinand claims that Sav abused him but the ref won't listen to any excuses.

Ronaldo s/o 73 for two yellowcards following two dives.

Ferguson s/o 88 for kicking the 4th official a certain place

Jeffers to miss last minute penalty for his hat-trick

:ph34r:

EDIT: Excellent preview btw

Edited November 7, 2006 by pks1984

[USABlue]

No chance for us I'm afraid. It's on TV here, I am getting tired of only seeing us play the "biggies" all I ever get to do is watch us lose. (Note, only one "o")

I have seen a few united games this season and to be honest if we throw out the anti Scum sentiment they have looked scary. Some of their movement, passing and execution has been outstanding. However they are not unbeatable but alas as far as we are concerned with our battered team they are.

It's going to be a humiliating one.

Edited November 7, 2006 by USABlue

[Ozz]

Interesting preview, but I think that the constant use of the term Scum when referring to United is not doing this board any favours. Just my opinion.

[Ray-Von]

Interesting preview, but I think that the constant use of the term Scum when referring to United is not doing this board any favours. Just my opinion.

Seconded.

[Jan]

Seconded.

Thirded

Much prefer the term MAnure when referring to them!

[pleasure]

Interesting preview, but I think that the constant use of the term Scum when referring to United is not doing this board any favours. Just my opinion.

slightly over the top, ozzie.

in fairness, i think vyeo has tried using the term 'scum' in context and it's been lost in the translation;

"The most dominant is the Red Scum, led by the Sith Lord Darth Ferguson, who triumphed in 8 out of the 14 wars."

just had time to read the preview, vyeo. brilliant.

[joey_big_nose]

We are going to get absolutely murdered unless we switch to 451. There is absolutely no way our midfield will cope otherwise.

Man Utd to win by a goal.

Incidentally we are just two points behind where we were in the table as at this stage (11 games played) last season. Bit of cheery news in dark times.

Edited November 7, 2006 by joey_big_nose

[Al]

Rovers 0 Scum 2

[Presty On Tour]

fairplay good preview though i think you need to get out more vyeo mate.

we need the first goal!

[vyeo]

slightly over the top, ozzie.

in fairness, i think vyeo has tried using the term 'scum' in context and it's been lost in the translation;

"The most dominant is the Red Scum, led by the Sith Lord Darth Ferguson, who triumphed in 8 out of the 14 wars."

just had time to read the preview, vyeo. brilliant.

Thank you pleasure.

To be honest, i didnt know 'scum' would give people so much grief. I do apologise if it seriously put some off. Cheers.

P/S: For the purposes of the prediction league, Rovers 0 - Evil Empire 3

Edited November 7, 2006 by vyeo