May Review

[bob fleming]

Good Morning and welcome to the final monthly review of the rollercoaster ride that has been the 2006/2007 football season. It’s also my final ever monthly review.

There’s an FA Cup final and a European Cup final still to be played. Unfortunately we missed out on those two this year so I’m simply going to ignore them, I’m not interested. Rest assured though that those finals will be won by a “big club”. I’m absolutely delighted for them.

So, for the very last time, open up another 39p eight litre bottle of cider, crank up the bong, take all your clothes off, sit in the dark with clothes pegs on your nether regions and let’s take a look back at the month called May. You sick son of a gun.

Monday 30 April- nearly May. Hardly Rovers related but Big Fat Sam, a thorn in our side on numerous occasions, resigns from Horwich Wanderers. He is replaced by just half a man, Little Fat Half a Sam. Confirming the long held belief in some quarters that Trotters Chairman Phil Gartside has developed an obsession with fat people called Sam.

Also on this day / meanwhile / elsewhere, Turkish Legend Tugay is ready to sign a new contract and reckons he can play on for a further two seasons in the top flight. He’ll be 47 by then. Great news for fans of the midfield genius. That’ll be all of us then.

Wednesday 2 May. Rovers chances of playing in Europe next season are boosted when “European Giants Manchester United™” are thrashed by “European Giants AC Milan™” 3-0. Therefore avoiding a final of Liverpool v ManUre in Athens. No doubt there would have been a “bit of a ruck” and the very real possibility that the entire City would be left in ruins. FIFA and UEFA would have had no hesitation in banning English clubs from Europe again, not because of the violence but because we’re English and not Italian.

Athens Olympic Stadium: An artists (No, not Gamst) impression of the stadium at half time.

Thursday 3 May. Funny man Sergio Peter, resplendent in comedy wig, glasses, red nose and a stick on multi coloured beard, signs a new contract with Rovers until 2010. Those crazy Germans!

Saturday 5 May. Newcastle United 0 Blackburn Rovers 2

The mighty blues travelled to St James’ knowing that a win would probably get Glenn Rodeo the sack. You’d think Newcastle United get it wrong on purpose wouldn’t you? How hard can it be to run a football club? Try and get a good manager in, give him loads of money to spend and off you go. Not this lot.

Still, never mind eh?

We took the lead through the prolific Benni McCarthy a man who knows the offside trap like the back of his head, he sprung it (the offside trap, not his head) and finished well. Newcastle tried to get back into it, there was a lot of puffing and panting but to be honest they may as well of had an asthma attack for what good it did them. Owen had a chance cleared off the line by the impeccable Samba and before that The Warlock tackled well on the same player when he looked certain to score. Robbo clinched things, nodding home after great work from our Dave.

Three points in the bag, we set off for home. My ears popped on the way out during the descent, we marched past the obligatory “Sack The Board” protest (that’s been going on since December 2003 when Gally punched one in, still fair play to them they’ve persevered) and sneaked off. Job was a good ‘un.

Wednesday 9 May. Just when I think I know what I’m on about, Mark Hughes states that he has every intention of keeping Doctor Shabba Chris Hey Nonny Nonda Congo. “We’d like to get him here permanently. The good Doctor is one of those players I feel will come through a lot stronger next year.” He reportedly stated. Well I never.

Also, meanwhile, elsewhere; Good news. The prolific, enigma that is Benni Mac doesn't have a release clause in his contract and won't be leavng Ewood in the summer. According to Sparky Mark: "There are no clauses in contracts this year."

Pah! It doesn't clear anything up as far as I'm concerned. Two questions:

1. He doesn't rule out that there is a single clause, are there single clauses? If so are they of the "release" variety? And surely two single clauses together would consistute “clauses”.

2. "This year". Does this mean next year every player will have multiple clauses in their contracts (i.e. "release", "quit", "get out", "slope off", “I’d really like to play for a big club now please *sob, sob*” clauses) ?

Thursday 10 May. Tottenham Hotspur 1 Blackburn Rovers 1

A visit to the most unassuming and modest fans in the world and the most welcoming of hosts, our old friends Spurs. We also had the privilege of being able to watch the worlds greatest striker (according to Sky and some other media Spurs supporting experts (i.e. most of them)) Bertie Berbatov.

Anyway, the enigmatic, prolific, enigma Benni McCarthy, who just keeps scoring, beat the offside trap yet again and met a cross from The Artist to give us a first half lead. Pedersen, as he was once known, was actually stood in Watford when he crossed the ball yet such was the precision, power and timing of the cross Benni Mac couldn’t miss, (well he could actually, he had loads of options to miss. He could have put it over the top, to either side or straight at the keeper) directing a brilliant header past Robinson.

Second half came, big Chris Samba nearly made it two, hitting the crossbar and predictably we paid the price. Tiny little miniscule Jermaine Defoe (3ft 4”) scoring after running through Sambas legs. Defoe nearly lost an eye but played on.

That was more or less it apart from “top” ref Rob Styles who decided to send off Jason Roberts seconds before the end of injury time. First he booked Robbo for a pretty tame foul and before he had time to put his notebook away booked him again! and then showed him a red! It was card madness, he’d lost the plot, strutting about waving his arms around aimlessly, flashing his cards, goose stepping around the pitch. Next stop Poland.

That was that then. The InterTonto or bust as far as Europe goes. We now needed snookers to get in the top seven and automatic qualification had gone. Arse.

Sunday 13 May – Last game of the season. Blackburn Rovers 3 Reading 3

Good grief. Is that it? The last game already? It goes quick these days doesn’t it?

The situation was straight forward. We win and we might be in Europe. Lose and we might be in Europe. It was that simple. The players knew what they had to do. Just don’t draw. Then again maybe a draw would be good enough as well? No one had said. The magic of the InterTonto had started and we weren’t even in it yet.

As you all know a draw was good enough, we’re back in Europe and we’ll play 24 qualifying games in July. If we get through those we’ll be at the “Pre-Qualifying Stage IV”, which involves another 6 games, get through those and we go into “The Qualifying Stage” and then into the Group stages. Get through those and we go into UEFA’s “Group of 124”. It’s going to be great, we’re just 94 games from glory and the UEFA Cup Final at the Manchester Council House!

We took the lead through that man, The Enigma. He finished well, after good work from Nonda (who may have broke Marcus Hahnahnahanrahanemann’s hand), smashing the ball home from the tightest of angles from 12 inches. It wasn’t to be and we couldn’t hold on, Sulky Hyundai equalising from a corner.

After the break we took the lead again after great work from The Artist, he crossed to the unmarked Dave via the post of the Blackburn End goal. Dave smashed the ball home from 200mm. It wasn’t to be and we couldn’t hold on, Mrs Doyle equalising with her head.

Some other stuff happened and then we took the lead again, the rampaging Bert crossed from the wing and in stole Sir Matthew Derbyshire of Ewood to score with a diving header. His ninth goal of 2007 and his first touch of the afternoon, (he’d just come on as a sub, he wasn’t being lazy). It wasn’t to be and we couldn’t hold on, Gunnarsarsons smashed a good goal home leaving Brad with little chance.

And that was that, a great game to see the season out. We finished in 10th (we’ve more or less been 10th all 2007). Scored 52 goals, conceded 54.

Summary:

That's how far we've come. I'm doing a summary. Who'd have thought it possible?

We’ve played a massive 53 games this season, more than any other season in recent years. Throughout we’ve had to contend with injuries to key players. Reidy, Ooijer, Roberto de Savage, The Admiral, Zurab, Todd, Roberts; they’ve all missed large parts of the season. A number of those players were instrumental in our success last season. Did the manager complain and moan? More or less no. They just got on with the task in hand – and by and large did a brilliant job.

So all things considered I think it’s been a great season. We lost out to Chelsea early on in the League Cup which was probably no bad thing considering the above paragraph. They also did us in the FA Cup Semi. The progress we’ve made since the FA Cup Semi Final of 2005 was there for all to see (if only that header had gone in?). League wise we’ve been a little inconsistent but with two games a week for much of the season and at times a threadbare team going out you can see why (although results coming back from Europe were generally good). Also the loss of Bellamy last summer may well have upset Sparky Mark’s plans more than we’ll ever know. Will he be back?

The future holds a lot of promise then. The emergence of Sir Matthew Derbyshire of Ewood and the signing of Chris Samba sees us have two of hottest prospects since the likes of Duff and Dunn. I still can’t get my head around that Samba signing, £400k from Hertha Berlin reserves?!? Straight into the Premiership and he’s been outstanding. Let’s see, Samba or £7 million for Woodgate. (You can have a little laugh at this point).

Talking of Dunny I reckon we’ll see more of him next season, he’s showed glimpses on more than one occasion of what he can do. A good pre season for him please. Then again he’s going to have a lot of competition in the middle of the park, all being well that is. Tugay, Reid, Th’Axe, Sav and Dunn. Not so bad that is it?

The same can be said in many other positions as well. I can’t recall us having this strong a squad for years. There’s not much deadwood lying about anymore.

For many, the player of the season was Benni McCarthy. I’ve never seen the like to be honest. He’s infuriating at times but more than makes up for it by scoring goals. You can’t argue with that really can you? He’s a striker and he scores goals. 24 this season, 18 in the league, 2nd highest scorer in the Premier. No argument really. Long may he continue to annoy me with his lack of apparent effort but large number of goals. However, even before the season has finished there are rumblings in the press, he wants Champions League football. Will anyone want him though?

Finally, as you may recall from the beginning of this piece, this is my last review. I’ve really enjoyed putting them together and I hope most of you enjoyed them too. In all there have been 15 monthly reviews since January 2006. I like to think that I’ve kept it pretty fresh but it’s not getting any easier. So like all good things should, I’m calling it a day before I outstay my welcome and this becomes hard work (which it already has on numerous occasions!).

So, have a great summer. Brace yourselves for the usual transfer rumours that will see all our best players, (well Dave, The Artist and The Enigma mainly) if not the entire first team squad, linked with a move to Spurs. It’ll make a change from last year when it was Steven Reid and The Admiral I suppose.

We may have new owners soon, who’ll no doubt pour millions and millions of pounds into the club so we can compete with the “big” clubs again. Then again, maybe not.

Either way, it makes little odds really. See you at Ewood.

[Hypo-Luxa]

Wow, an end to a great run of Reviews. Thanks for all your work through the past two seasons. You've made for interesting reading every month and it's a shame it can't go on.

Cheers, Bobbo!

[Cocker]

Cheers once again bob, they were great

[ace]

A great read! ( again) .Thank you for all the hard work Bob.

[cletus]

Many thanks Bob for all the hard work! You`ve brightened up many a rainy day with your monthly reviews. Tiz a shame it has to end. Maybe you could sort the odd 'guest appearance' in future? We live in hope

Cannot wait until next season now, when we will all be reading Vinjay`s Monthly Review

:ph34r:

[SamTheShrew]

legend mate, you had me laughing out loud there on numerous points! great way to start my last ever day of revision

[Bobby G]

Brilliant read.

[Ronin]

Quality as ever, Bob.

[Wolverine]

These will be missed.

Well played Bob. Well played.

[roversmum]

Thank you, Bob. Hope you'll still be around to add the odd cryptic comment to the Boards.

Brace yourselves for the usual transfer rumours that will see all our best players, (well Dave, The Artist and The Enigma mainly) if not the entire first team squad, linked with a move to Spurs.

Spurs are beginning to annoy me big time

[gbax]

Great stuff.

[Threepenny Bit Foot]

Absolutely top drawer - even had me laughing at times!

Well done Bob, no chance of a come back?

[philipl]

As amusing as ever and played the straight man brilliantly in the last section; totally agree with you. Good times to be a Rovers supporter and here's hoping you have a change of heart- perhaps not monthly but an occasional Fleming Report when something tickles your fancy.

[Jimmy Jupiter]

Good read like always.

Shame you're not gonna do anymore, I hope by the time August comes around you'll have a change of heart.

[brfc fan]

I really love your reviews. They cheer up my day. Thanks and I hope there's more of the same next season!

[Neil Weaver]

Another fine effort Mr Fleming. We need to know though - was there a release clause in your contract? Are you moving to a website you've followed since you were a nipper?

[stuwilky]

Another fine effort Mr Fleming. We need to know though - was there a release clause in your contract? Are you moving to a website you've followed since you were a nipper?

Its clear that the rumours I heard on the Blackburn End yesterday were true.

I can exclusively reveal that "bob fleming" has signed an exclusive deal with a MASSIVE website run by Tottingham Hotspurs. From June he will be writing exclusively for them, giving them the lowdown on all the Blackburn Rovers players they are purchasing this summer. Alledgedly.

[T4E]

Another fine effort Mr Fleming. We need to know though - was there a release clause in your contract? Are you moving to a website you've followed since you were a nipper?

There's definitely something dodgy going on!

Anyway, good work Bob, I've enjoyed each and every one of these you've done. I'm going to buck the trend though and urge you not to reconsider and return next season. You're leaving it at the perfect time on a good note. Now you can get back to just enjoying BRFCS like the rest of us, without worrying about where the next Nobel Prize winning piece will come from!

Thanks mate.

[tchocky]

Thanks for that. A great read. Made me, like a lot of others, laugh out at times

We should save these reviews in a special place for future reference (and laughs).

[AlanSheppard]

Brilliant work as ever Bob. Another one here who'll miss your monthly reports.

[colin]

You've obviously decided to go.

Thanks for the humour over the past few years, I'll miss your contributions,

[LeChuck]

Tiny little miniscule Jermaine Defoe (3ft 4”) scoring after running through Sambas legs. Defoe nearly lost an eye but played on.

It's a shame you've decided to pack it in Bob, but they were great whilst they lasted. I guess you've decided to bow out whilst on top, I half expected a Cantona-esque speech involving seagulls (or swans and geese perhaps?). Although I haven't posted in most topics, I've read (and enjoyed) every one over the course of the season, thanks.

[Alan75]

Its clear that the rumours I heard on the Blackburn End yesterday were true.

I can exclusively reveal that "bob fleming" has signed an exclusive deal with a MASSIVE website run by Tottingham Hotspurs. From June he will be writing exclusively for them, giving them the lowdown on all the Blackburn Rovers players they are purchasing this summer. Alledgedly.

HA HA, someones pulling your leg there Stu, bob and Spurs, no way. Arsenal maybe. I suspect the rumour was started by bob's agent, Capt Kayos after a 10% transfer fee. and more leg room next season.

I spoke to bob after the Reading game and he went into full detail explaining the Intertoto qualification ruling, he was uncontrollable jumping up and down kissing the badge and sing Rovers till I die.

I'm as confident as I can be that Bob will still be here next season, as I keep on trying to emphasise, we are not a selling site. However age is catching up with the old fellow and his appearances may be restricted.

He has had a fantastic season. Thanks bob for the belly laughs.

[bob fleming]

I spoke to bob after the Reading game and he went into full detail explaining the Intertoto qualification ruling, he was uncontrollable jumping up and down kissing the badge and sing Rovers till I die.

Was I? Was that me? Oh yes, I remember now. For the first time this season the Marshall stacks in the BBE weren't working so there was a little bit of doubt over whether we'd qualified or not. I remember saying, "Yes, I think we have". We then went down the stairs and left. Crazy, unforgettable scenes.

[CAPT KAYOS]

HA HA, someones pulling your leg there Stu, bob and Spurs, no way. Arsenal maybe. I suspect the rumour was started by bob's agent, Capt Kayos after a 10% transfer fee. and more leg room next season.

All lies I tell ya, all bloody lies - It was actually Newcastle but Fat Sam put an end to that