[Archived] Tentative Start Of My Writings

[LWX]

well here goes....a little self consciously i've decided to post the first few pages of my idea for a book........anyway hope you enjoy it....also a little feedback and any comments or pointers would be very welcome.........cheers

4 June 1989 - Blackburn Rovers v Crystal Palace

...............and went home.

[bellamy11]

What's the general premise for the book? What is the main plot? I'm guessing the fictional work will reflect the timeline of a Rovers season? Who is your audience? Blackburn fans? Paying punters?

Tiny point but if there's a reason you keep putting 'laff' in (a prepresentation of northern dialect?) then I've not really seen it. If you're trying to regionalise the voice by changing the spelling you either have to do a lot more or cut stuff like that out altogether.

Good on you for posting something. I know a lot of people who are self-conscious about being critiqued.

[LWX]

the 'laff' thing......its not meant to be a way of putting accent in there at all, it doesnt apear anywhere where anybody says the word laugh.......im not sure, i just never liked the look of the spelling laugh......a quirk of mine i guess....but youre probably right, i also looked at it and considered getting rid of it......all in good time though

again not sure who this is meant to be 'aimed' at.....i suppose rovers fans will be more interested than most, but i didnt really think of that when i started.....

initially i wanted to do some work along the lines of mike jackman....sort of documenting the progress and history of the club..at first i was writing player profiles of the last few decades...from about 1989 onwards (when i first went). i contacted the club about the idea and they forwarded my email to mike jackman and he told me that he was doing an updated encyclopedia....so that was that, i had to come up with a different angle....and i figured i could weave some fictional story and characters around the rovers 'on the field' story....

i'll need to do some more research...but hey who knows....maybe in a few years ill have something worth printing!

[neekoy]

Good idea, just keep it away from anything like that horrible story about the young dude making big at Newcastle.

Maybe tie in some reference to life within Blackburn and how that effects your hero

[roverbuli]

There are a few on the forum who write for a living, or did so. You'll notice that their commitment towards proper spelling, grammar and style extends even to their contributions to this board. For instance, Nicko often writes in concise one-sentence paragraphs, which is typical news style.

If you are really serious about writing -- and I commend your enthusiasm -- I suggest you start right here with your posts on the board. You won't be taken seriously unless your writing is technically sound. When your everyday posts are free of spelling, grammar and stylistic errors, then you can talk about writing books.

[Jan]

Sorry

I couldn't get past the spelling and grammar. You have sentences without objects, and if you're trying for an accent, you need to do it only in quoted sentences- otherwise it just looks like you cannot spell.

[LWX]

Sorry

I couldn't get past the spelling and grammar. You have sentences without objects, and if you're trying for an accent, you need to do it only in quoted sentences- otherwise it just looks like you cannot spell.

once again, the laff thing was not me 'trying for an accent'....just something i picked up from some freinds of mine in birmingham........shame you couldnt read it without getting frustrated by the grammer.

[Billy Castell]

Sorry

I couldn't get past the spelling and grammar. You have sentences without objects, and if you're trying for an accent, you need to do it only in quoted sentences- otherwise it just looks like you cannot spell.

I guess you might be like me and hate Dan Brown. The Davinci Code seemed to have a good story,but Brown makes it unreadable by writing like an 8 year old.

[Jan]

I guess you might be like me and hate Dan Brown. The Davinci Code seemed to have a good story,but Brown makes it unreadable by writing like an 8 year old.

I persevered with that one because everyone told me to, but haven't got past page 3 on any other.

[Billy Castell]

I managed about 100 pages of the Da Vinci code before thinking "how could this be published? I can do better". And I reckon I could if I came up with the story, which shows how bad it is. I'd not lob in loads of spurious facts about the floor coverage of chapel X and it's 40 gargoyoles that look like Gary Bushell just as the hero is fleeing from some villan. Fewer random italic bits in the middle of a passage as well. Only read the back of the other books, and the conspiracy theory stuff looks the same, which makes me wonder if he gets very scared if you shake his hand in an unconventional manner.

Anyway Elwaxo, I'm sure you'll do a good job. It can't be worse than Dan Brown's efforts.

[LWX]

Anyway Elwaxo, I'm sure you'll do a good job. It can't be worse than Dan Brown's efforts.

cheers....ill do my best.....i know i need too brush up on lots of grammatical aspects though......also there may have been spelling mistakes in there, apart from the laff , that i couldnt correct because im working in germany on a german laptop....so nearly every word has a red line under it......

[dave birch]

Pretty soon, elwaxo, you'll be elwaxing lyrical :ph34r:

sorry.

[bluebruce]

Sorry

I couldn't get past the spelling and grammar. You have sentences without objects, and if you're trying for an accent, you need to do it only in quoted sentences- otherwise it just looks like you cannot spell.

Er, have you read Trainspotting, Jan?

Set your Word spell check to English (U.K.) if at all possible. Or whatever the German version of English is. Anyway don't worry too much about spelling and grammar mistakes- solve that by having someone who is ludicrously stringent at checking such things (like myself) peruse it before you submit it. It's more important that you devote your concentration to the story itself. Use a thesaurus to improve your vocabulary if that's not your strong point. I haven't had the chance to read it all through because I'm in a bit of a hurry, but I did glance at it momentarily and immediately noticed that you changed the tense from past to present less than halfway through. In a way that didn't seem justified. Good luck with it!

[joey_big_nose]

First off- I salute your bravery in putting up some writing on a forum which is not known for its politeness at the best of times! Very courageous! Its nice to read some work connected to the club.

However (always howevers...) while I suppose it sounds a bit snooty to raise it I have to say it anyway- you cannot write very well without good structure. It can be interesting, challenging and unconventional, but you still need a rhyme or reason to your method in order that those who read it can comprehend without questioning your ability. This extends to spelling also.

Poor spelling, poor structure, poor grammar are all indelibly attached to the notion of poor writing. Why make things hard for yourself? Why not try to create work that is distinctivel your own but also has the broadest appeal?

Even those who wrote what appears to be insane dribble at first glance - Faulkner or Joyce for example - did have principles that defined the sentence and paragraph structures they used.

Fitzgerald couldn’t spell at all but spent hours correcting, or allowing his publisher to do it for him, and was a maniac for creating perfect sentences.

Remember you are trying to retain an audience to read what you write and pointlessly sloppy work only serves to drive people away. In the past (and maybe still?) my grammar, spelling and syntax has been appalling, and I do want to emphasize that I have a deep appreciation for those who do things differently. However it is absolute suicide to say "this is the way I write, deal with it!" You have to impress, entertain and woo your reader with your observation, your fluidity, your cleverness and your plotting. That can be framed as colloquially and subversively as Irvine Welsh or as brutally to the point as Chuck Palahniuk, or as symbolically and romantically as Garcia Marquez. But it has to have a point- all those writers developed distinctive styles as they served the purposes of their work, not because they could not be bothered to alter it from their earliest default writing method.

It is great that you have posted something on here, and its got some good interesting ideas and images, but the very first port of call is tidying things up a bit, developing a bit of rhythm to the writing, and thinking about the full arc of what you are going to write. I would also suggest reading lots of really well written books that deal with football or sport in general. This will give you flavour of what the public likes to read, and how the best authors structure and stylize their novels.

Writing is ultimately a craft- a skill that depends on constant refining, reorganising, restructuring, reimagining and perfecting. Just like football, judo or cooking really.

[LWX]

go easy peeps.....im still very much at the start of learning this trade..........it was just a rough first draft i posted......

but thanks for the feedback anyway everyone.....its all good, positive or negative!

[Antgrad]

It can't be worse than Dan Brown's efforts.

Shouldn't that be "It can't be worse than multi-millionaire Dan Brown's efforts".

[Billy Castell]

He became rich due to hype. It seemed a good story as far as I could tell, and was interesting. However, it was so badly written I gave up. I guess people don't go for the stuff I like H.G. Wells, Robert Harris and George Orwell. Now, if you gave Robert Harris the same story, then you'd have a good book.

Dan Brown is a charlatan whose paranoia about the Catholic church made him rich by accident. One day people will read his books and think as I did. They'd think "Good lord, I can do a better job than this".

[Paul]

You're exceptionally brave to post the work and I wish you luck with your idea. Three things strike me immediately. With fiction I often gauge the quality of writing through the author's ability to create his picture in my imagination. You achieved this to an extent but I can't decide if this is because I know the subject or your style; I suspect it will be some of each.

Secondly I guess you where a similar age to Tubba in 1989, perhaps younger? The spoken language you've given each character does not match my idea of how 14 year olds converse. OK, I'm 40 years older but I have an impression of how young people talk to each other. This area needs work to make the characters convincing.

Finally I would echo the comments on grammar, punctuation etc. Clearly this is a draft but don't underestimate the importance of good English to your reader. One method of achieving this is to print your work and read it aloud, you'll be surprised by how quickly you begin to understand where, and why, punctuation is necessary and the number of superfluous words the text contains. This is much harder to do when simply reading from the screen.

[M-K]

Dan Brown is a charlatan whose paranoia about the Catholic church made him rich by accident. One day people will read his books and think as I did. They'd think "Good lord, I can do a better job than this".

Go on then! Put up or shut up.

[Hasta]

The Da Vinci Code is the worst of all Dan Browns books. I quite liked the first two (especially Deception Point) but that may well be because I found it very easy reading.

As Paul says it's good to be able to picture the scene in your mind but sometimes too much needless description slows the book down and makes the reading hard work.

[Billy Castell]

Go on then! Put up or shut up.

Wow, Mr. Brown has a paramilitary wing now. No need to be aggressive Milton Keynes, just expressing an opinion. You know, you can do that in Britain. God I can't stand fanboys sometimes.

[M-K]

Wow, Mr. Brown has a paramilitary wing now. No need to be aggressive Milton Keynes, just expressing an opinion. You know, you can do that in Britain. God I can't stand fanboys sometimes.

I've never even read a single sentence written by Dan Brown, and I have no desire to do so. I'm just calling you out on your two-time claim that you can do better than one of the world's most successful authors.

Don't hate me. Just think of me when you're sitting on a pile of cash, remembering the brfcs.com thread that inspired you to become a writer.

(shouldn't this be in 'I can't believe it's not football'?)

[bellamy11]

I've never even read a single sentence written by Dan Brown, and I have no desire to do so. I'm just calling you out on your two-time claim that you can do better than one of the world's most successful authors.

Don't hate me. Just think of me when you're sitting on a pile of cash, remembering the brfcs.com thread that inspired you to become a writer.

(shouldn't this be in 'I can't believe it's not football'?)

To be fair, somebody did once find something BC wrote funny. So it has now been published in his signature.