[Archived] Break Ups, Grieving Etc

[Alan75]

tcl - really feel for ya fella, can't be easy expressing those feelings especially on a testosterone fueled website About 3 years back l was told by my wife she was having an affair with my best mate - sheah, it's not just in the red tops you hear about it !!! She's still with him. My kids are living with them. Trust me it does get easier, l didn't think it would at the time, end of the world and all that but to quote a well used phrase "time is a great healer".

Like SAS says you've just gotta look forward.

Keep yer chin up tcl

Do you miss him

[brian_gallagher85]

Got her number?

Never met her in person, but from what I've heard from various sources you want to stay well clear

[colin]

Hey up everyone,

TCJ has opened his heart to us. I think that he deserves a bit more than jokes.

Give him a bit of respect, and a bit of sympathy and a bit of empathy.

It could/will happen to all of us sometime or other.

[American]

He's gotten that - it's SAS that has gotten our jokes.

As I said, laughter is the best medicine. Maybe if you took the tree out of your ass you'd laugh more and be less miserable than Gord...

[SAS]

I dont care about jokes, i`m the one laughing now with a bird that is half spanish and very slim and well you know

[RoversFanUSA]

TCJ,

Well i have my own story to tell and i hope it helps, so here it goes.

It all started when i was 17. I started seeing this very nice girl and had been with her for over a year. I called her on my lunch break one day and she was, in like many other storys, acting weird, so i decided to go home to suprise her. Well i went over to her house and she was up stairs on the computer and as soon as she saw me she instanly started closing all her IM windows. I asked her what was going on and she said nothing. Turns out she was IMing a bunch of guys and setting up dates for her self.

Well we decided to try and "work" it out (seeing as i was living with her at her mums house and had no where to go on account of not having a good family life at home). Well in that time i ended up being introdused to a friend of a co-worker and so we hit it off.

I later found out that my first girl had been sleeping around and so i ended it and turned my focus full time to this new girl that i had met.

Well we started seeing each other and things were good, then about 2 months into our relationship she tells me shes pregnat and is sure its mine and blah blah blah.. Well of corse at 19 i freaked out, couldnt eat, couldnt sleep and over all became a wreck and thats when everything went south.

We started fighting ALL the time and over the smallest things, i then started finding out she was going to partys and lieing about it. I called it off with her and thought i was done with her and would deal with her when the baby arrived. I was sadly mistaken.

I got a call about 2 weeks later, from her asking me to come over to the house because we needed to talk and so after getting off from work i went over. Well she ended up telling me she had had an abortion and she was sorry for not telling me but thought it was best for her and gave me some long drawn out story, which of corse i belived.

Now heres where the story gets worse (like if it couldnt already)...

I got back with her and we even moved in together!( God can u belive what a pussy i was at the time?!?! Sheesh!) Ok, so we moved in together and of corse things went bad real fast. I was at my mums working for her as a side job to help her with a meeting that was coming up so i pulled an all nighter making folders and doing other meeting type prepatory work and had called her to find out what she was going to do that night and to let her know i wasnt going to be home. Well i left my mums at 6ish or so and proceeded home. I got home only to find that she had thrown a party and when i went into the bedroom i found her in bed with her bestfriend and some guy! (lucky him!)

Well insteed of getting crazy and wanting to fight him i packed my stuff and left. I was over all the fighting and ish talking and just wanted to get MY life back.

I moved in with a family friend and stayed there for quite sometime. I found it to be the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with and know whole heartedly what your going through. Not only did i have to deal with the fact that i had lost the only person i thought cared for me (going back to the bad family thing) but i also had to deal with my first GF cheating on me. It was like 2 huge walls came crashing down on top of me and it hurt, it hurt me to my very soul and no matter what i did i could not get away from it.

My only real solice in this whole this thing and the one good thing i can tell you is, THAT IT GETS BETTTER!!! The worst part is that it takes time. I had it like you in the sence that i was never able to tell everything i felt because after we broke up she moved away to another state over 1,500 miles away, and so i was left, wanting to tell her how i felt and how badly she hurt me but couldnt.

I later found out from her best friend, that she had gotten pregnat by another guy at one of the partys she went to and had told me that it was mine because she figured i was a better "catch" seeing i actully had a job and wasnt on drugs. I also found out that the reason she had termanated the prgnancy was because her fater had promised to give her his 87 VW jetta in exchange for her getting the abortion . and which she quickly (within 2 months) crashed and totaled.

For the longest time after the break up i kept telling my self that "if" only i had done this or "if" only i had done that then she wouldnt have done the things she did and i prayed, i prayed hard to god she would come back to me and i promised that i would do this or do that if only she would come back to me. Well like rebalsmwar she never came back, and I have to say that it was the best thing that EVER happened to me! Without a doubt.

Over all like i stated before I know hurts, and it did for me for almost a year. I would think everyday about trying to call her and thinking to my self i wonder what shes doing and i wonder if shes thinking about me. Then one day (about 2 months after "D" day) i made the decsition to tell my self that i was no longer going to think of her, i was going to think of other things whenever i did think of her and that i was going to fill my days with things that made ME happy!. I dont advise you to keep drinking and/or using drugs its doing nothing but hurting yourself and the people around you that love you very much.

The thing is that YOU and only YOU can make the desition to change and i think your staring to get there. I mean you your self said that as the days go on your starting to fell better and theres postive things you should build on like the fact you lost 37lbs! I mean start going to the gym and work out and become that 22 yr old stud muffin we all know you can become!

Im 26 years old and have had some pretty crappy break ups but if you were around to read my posts on my trip to England a year or so ago you would see that you have to take the bad and try and find the good in it. Example: I got stuck in sheffield at the train station over night when i needed to be in london and instead of panicing i looked at it as "hey im in England, Im 10,000 miles from home and dont know anyone, lets see where this takes me". I looked at that little blip as a chance for me to explore a part of the country i normally would have passed on by. i spent the night in a very nice hotel, on the cheap, had a nice dinner, and had a good time.

As one Rover to another im here to tell you that you'll be ok. You have to belive it and know that tommorow will be better and that soon you'll be ok.

Much love! -RFUSA

[tcj_jones]

Hey guys, sorry for posting this topic and then disapearing for a few days. I'm in the midst of the biggest pile of uni work that could well save my degree afterall, if I get it all done by the end of the month. As a result, I'm working night and day to get it done and just haven't had a chance to post on here.

I have read all the replies though and was not expecting such a plethora of responses and personal messages. Your support has been immense, more than I ever expected, and I wanted to say thanks to everybody for that. It's given me some comfort, but also made me realize that things could be a whole lot worse. Some of the people who have eitehr replied on this thread or PMd me have had an incredibly hard time of it and it actually makes me feel bad for posting about my troubles when others are going through what they are.

When I have a few more minutes free, I'll come back and engage again in the thread and respond to my PMs, I just don't think I'll get them few minutes for a day or two yet!

Cheers again guys

[Mc Love]

I dont care about jokes, i`m the one laughing now with a bird that is half spanish and very slim and well you know

Well thank fook you didnt give your one in Liquid a shout!!

[blue phil]

TCJ has opened his heart to us. I think that he deserves a bit more than jokes.

Give it a rest , Colin . You're deliberately trying to make out people are having a laugh at him . That's not the case as well you know ..........

By the way , TCJ ; don't work too hard . Getting out and having a laugh is more important at your age ...

[Alan75]

Relationships can be glorious and they can be a bitch,

For every bad experience theres a good one,

You have to take the rough with the smooth.

Its all part of lifes experiences

When you experience the bad times, just press the fast forward button and when life is good press the pause button.

And when your down GIVE A LITTLE WHISTLE

[colin]

Alan,

That link is great. Thanks.

Colin