[Archived] Transfer Topic The Final Day

[spencey7]

The idea of shipping Benni out to get Barton in is a nightmare.

Selling our best striker to bring in a thug.

If this is true, surely Allardyce can only be doing this to spite Rovers fans.

[rovers1995]

Barton is at St.James Park, I've just seen him on Sky Sports 1. He won't be comng here don't worry about that.

[leftfooter]

A customer enters a pet shop.

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

Mr. Praline: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Owner: We're closin' for lunch.

Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you

show...

(owner hits the cage)

Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything...

Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour

ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the

first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and

VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e

rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the

bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh,

we're right out of parrots.

Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: I got a slug.

(pause)

Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

Mr. Praline: Well.

(pause)

Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?

Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.

Its the time of year

Now that Spring is in the air

When those two wet gits with their girly curly hair

Make another song for moronic holidays

That nauseate-ate-ate

In a million different ways

From the shores of Spain

To the coast of Southern France

No matter where you hide

You just can't escape this dance

Hold a chicken in the air

Stick a deckchair up your nose

Buy a jumbo jet

And then bury all your clothes

Paint your left knee green

Then extract your wisdom teeth

Form a string quartet

And pretend your name is Keith

(Tashor started it ...All together now...)

Skin yourself alive

Learn to speak Arapahoe

Climb inside a dog

And behead an eskimo

Eat a Renault Four with salami in your ears

Casserole your gran

Disembowel yourself with spears

Hold a chicken in the air

Stick Joey Barton up your nose

Buy a jumbo jet

And then bury all your clothes

La la la la la

La la la la la la la

La la la la la

La la la la la la laaaaaaa

[BuckyRover]

spencey, I do think some of your views are highly questionable.

But the point you raise is a valid one. I keep getting a strange feeling that some of the things he does is to spite us. I think he wants to make us into a Bolton type team just to "get one over" on those that signed the facebook petition. Which I suppose is quite strange because all he is doing is proving those that signed it correct.

Maybe it's just part of the the paranoia of being a Rovers fan.

[Tom 1]

Barton's a bit of a nutjob but no doubt he's a good player.

[walk down bolton road]

RE the Barton rumour. I'd rather we didn't go there. We might be skint but bloody hell.

Understand your concerns about the guy bf, but the thing is he is better player than any of our central midfield players .

And also at the right price maybe we can afford him.

[gumboots]

Barton's a bit of a nutjob but no doubt he's a good player.

Was

[thenodrog]

Was

OK gumboots, have it your way .......... Barton was a bit of a nut job but no doubt he's a good player.

[gumboots]

OK gumboots, have it your way .......... Barton was a bit of a nut job but no doubt he's a good player.

Can't be a good player if you never play. How much time has he spent on the pitch in the last couple of seasons?

[thenodrog]

Can't be a good player if you never play. How much time has he spent on the pitch in the last couple of seasons?

Why so serious?

[tony gale's mic]

Before I would not have wanted Barton anywhere NEAR our club, I was sure with the RSC money alone we could get a decent striker and a midfielder.

However with our transfer money inexplicably drying up even after we sold Warnock then I'm not sure how much better we can do. Sure it's a gamble but its either someone who'll just be guaranteed average for that money or someone like Barton who we know has talent.

[magicalmortensleftpeg]

The idea of shipping Benni out to get Barton in is a nightmare.

Selling our best striker to bring in a thug.

If this is true, surely Allardyce can only be doing this to spite Rovers fans.

So you hate Allardyce even more because of a rumour?

I wouldnt like the idea of Benni especially if Roberts is kept. Di Santo probably leaving in Jan would leave us a bit lightweight if Benni was to leave.

[Tom 1]

You don't become a bad player with a spell out of the side. A run of games and he'll hit the level he's been at previously, he's a good player. I wouldn't mind him in our squad, it's just obviously the rep and character that comes with it. I wouldn't mess with Sam tho if I were a player.

[ewoodpo]

Benjani's proposed move to Hull is off as they failed to agree on personal terms.

[Tom 1]

Admittedly Hull are ###### but surely he'd rather play than sit on his average arse for his career?

[Guest Kamy100]

It's not Barton. I can't say anymore, I am sure that Nicko will reveal more at 11pm..

[mogster]

It's not Barton. I can't say anymore, I am sure that Nicko will reveal more at 11pm..

Thank goodness. Civil war nearly broke out because someone guessed Barton!!

[thenodrog]

It's not Barton. I can't say anymore, I am sure that Nicko will reveal more at 11pm..

Smith then. Attacker and midfielder in one player. Sam's style.

[Paul Mellelieu]

It's not Barton. I can't say anymore, I am sure that Nicko will reveal more at 11pm..

Shame. Tugay coming out of retirement? Van de Meyrde? Nolan? Tony Blair?

[budha]

Admittedly Hull are ###### but surely he'd rather play than sit on his average arse for his career?

31 yrs, crocked and on big money at City. Why bother to go to struggle at Hull?

[Tom 1]

Nicko not to change the club but i've just heard a really rogue rumour, about Spurs getting Krancjar for just 2m due to his high wages and last year of contract? Surely that's a joke?

[budha]

Nolan, Smith and Barton all starting for Newcastle today. Not one of those then I guess.

[Big Fat Sam]

Its not Nolan is it?

[JMillZz]

Nicko not to change the club but i've just heard a really rogue rumour, about Spurs getting Krancjar for just 2m due to his high wages and last year of contract? Surely that's a joke?

this rumour is on SSN right now. £2.5mill

[Presty On Tour]

I thought we could have poached John Terry from Chelsea but he's agreed a deal of 150k a week for 5 years.

Nice for some hey!