[Archived] West Ham United (away - 7th May)

[Beta Ray Bill]

The Road To West Ham

When Rovers step out at the Boleyn Ground (aka Upton Park) on Saturday 7th May 2011, it will be just one week shy of 16 years to the day that one of the most important games in Rovers’ history took place on the very same ground.

Then, on that balmy Sunday afternoon, destiny was not in Rovers’ hands but those of the West Ham goalie, Luděk Mikloško. Now the club’s future – and possible long term viability - really is down to the 11 players donning blue and white.

Results this weekend have been kind to Rovers, slightly less so for West Ham. The victory against Bolton Wanderers and the outcome of the games for the other teams gasping for air at the drowning pool end of the table, has seen the team gain a modicum of breathing space. But make no mistake, this pocket of oxygen will disperse swiftly for Rovers with an unfavourable set of results next weekend. Rovers need the win, for it would be a brave man to expect much in the last two games of the season. However, West Ham need the win more.

So lets venture on down to the world of 'Appy 'Ammers, of jellied eels, of Frodo Baggins pretending to be a hooligan and the self styled 'academy of football' and see what lies in store for Blackburn Rovers.

just round the corner from the ground, you'll find this shop (and hobbits)

Lies, Damned Lies and Sky Sports News Tickertape

The omens for the match are not good when you look at this sequence:

W – L – D – L – L – L – L – L – L – L – L – L – D

If you haven’t worked it out yet, that is Rovers’ away record in the league at West Ham since the Premiership began.

In other terms, 5 points out of a possible 39. Not good.

Let’s now look at two more sequences:

L – W – L – W – L – W – L – L – D – L – L – D – D – D – L – L – W

W – D – W – L – L – D – W – L – D – W – W – D – L – L – L – L – L

The top line is Rovers’ league results since the snowy draw between the two clubs at Ewood, and the second is West Ham’s.

In summary Rovers: P17, W4, D4, L9. West Ham: P17, W5, D4, L8. Almost identically dire.

There is one interesting statistic though that might bring some cheer to Rovers fans. Whilst there is ‘some concern’ over the quality of Steve Kean as a manager, he has not – yet – taken the team into the bottom 3 of the Premier League. In comparison, since taking over at Portsmouth on 26th November 2009, Avram Grant has the impressive record of managing a club in the relegation spots for an astonishing 57 out 60 match weeks. That’s 25/25 matches for Portsmouth, and 32/35 matches for West Ham. And we think we have it bad.

West Ham vs Rovers pitches two outstanding managers against each other

(pictures to scale, Steve Kean is actually a giant, standing at 9ft 3in)

The Match Up

The two teams have a number of similarities. They also have a number of differences. Where's this section going? I don't really know. I'll focus on some of the similarities as the differences are too many.

Similarity #1 : Both teams shouldn't be scrambling around for survival at this stage of the season. Both teams have a number of quality players - not in all positions granted, but sufficiently decent players to not face life visiting Turf Moor next season. However, being 'too good to go down' rings hollow regardless if you have the Football Writers Player of the Year, or one of "England's brightest prospects" playing for you.

Similarity #2 : Both teams have owners with colourful backgrounds. And both sets of owners have made their money by choking the chicken.

Similarity #3 : Both teams have England goalkeepers playing for them. Unfortunately one is still in the frame, and the other isn't.

Similarity #4 : Both teams have featured a number of the same players in the recent past. Lars Jacobsen, Lucas Neill and Benni McCarthy have all travelled south from Ewood with varying degrees of success.

Former Rover, Benedict McCarthy, poised for another pie after joining West Ham

(he left shortly after this picture was taken as he didn’t like jellied eels as a filling)

Similarity #5 : Both teams have almost universal contempt for the same person, "The Gaffer", and I don't mean Bill Maynard.

Twenty Questions

In a break with tradition, I’ve decided against a formal interview with a fan, and have gone with a quick game of word association surrounding the match, football and other associated matters. The instruction was for a word or few words to answer each of the statements.

Thanks to Damian Greenwood, a West Ham supporter from Bradford and Adam Puemen, a Rover based in Halifax for participating. Both are season ticket holders, so miles from their clubs is no boundary for these guys despite both being from the wrong side of the Pennines. (Although Damo does admit he doesn’t get to every match.)

West Ham United

My true love. Apart from the wife!

Shouldn’t be in the league. Still can't get over the Sheffield United screw job.

Blackburn Rovers

Quite like.

Uncle Jack’s Barmy Army!

Avram Grant

Out of his depth.

Lucky at Chelsea. Probably as bad as Kean.

Steve Kean

Who? Sorry, Rovers scored an own goal here.

Cock. Goes well with the chickens.

Gold & Sullivan

True fans but not convinced.

Porn.

The Venkys

Daft. Why get rid of Sam? At least you’d have been safe.

Mad but I really wanted them to do well. Hope they’ve got money next year!

Scott Parker

Genius, legend, hero, how many more words?

Wasted at West Ham.

Carlos Tevez

Legend. Just the one word.

Cheating ****

The Olympic Stadium

Stupid idea.

Better West Ham than Spurs.

Relegation

Probable. Disaster.

Disaster. Think we’ll survive … just.

Paul Ince

****

Clueless. Steve Kean’s twin brother.

Pie and Eels

I’m from Yorkshire.

Think I’d vomit at the sight.

would you eat jellied eels?

Blowing Bubbles

Pulse racing.

Crap song.

Claret & Blue

Holy of holies.

Burnley, ********, ***** and *****! ******!

Hooliganism & West Ham

Overblown.

Glad I don’t live in the East End!

Match of the Day

Laughable. Don’t get me started on Lawrenson.

Biased. Lawrenson is a ****

Andy Gray

Think most fans probably thought the same, but daft for saying it.

Didn’t like him, glad he’s gone!

Boris Johnson

T!t.

Upper class fool.

Alf Garnett

I know fans who are like him!

Bit before my time.

West Ham United vs Blackburn Rovers result

1-1

Heart : Rovers win 2-0, head: 0-0 draw. We’re both @#/?.

[Gally]

Massive game, aren't they all with so few games left. Even though this game could be seen as the finishing line, I can see us playing with more confidence after this weekends result and playing at a very, very nervous Upton Park (literally never thought I'd say that).

If Rovers turn up willing to fight for every ball against a team missing a few key players, maybe even Scott Parker, then we'll get a draw and that should see us safe for next season.

[Stockport rover]

How many tickets have we sold so far? Need the support tough match but u agree a point should seal our fate! <3

[roversmum]

Love the preview, BRB.

Mr Roversmum and I will be off at stupid o'clock on Saturday on our way to the Boelyn.

However, others going probably won't see us as we will be up on the balcony in the away disabled area well out of sight of Rovers' fans. So make sure you sing up!

Nervous times, but if the lads play like they did at Fulham and we have a decent Ref we're in with a chance. The last visit produced a draw, that would do but a win would be awesome, COYB!

And it's my birthday - although that's probably some sort of curse

[PAFELL]

Love the preview, BRB.

Mr Roversmum and I will be off at stupid o'clock on Saturday on our way to the Boelyn.

However, others going probably won't see us as we will be up on the balcony in the away disabled area well out of sight of Rovers' fans. So make sure you sing up!

Nervous times, but if the lads play like they did at Fulham and we have a decent Ref we're in with a chance. The last visit produced a draw, that would do but a win would be awesome, COYB!

And it's my birthday - although that's probably some sort of curse

My wife and I will also be there.

For those travelling not on offical transport from Blackburn. I heard there is going to be enginnering works on the tube going to WHU ground. So getting to the ground may be troublesome. Might be worth checking out nearer to saturday.

[JAL]

Quality preview Beta Ray Bill.

With out strike force i'll be amazed if we can come away with a draw never mind a win.

You can see it now the London sports journos printing how well Matty Upson had played and how he showed be part of the England set up.

At this the business end of the season this is just another must not lose game.

[bastionRover]

Top Review Beta, really enjoyable and funny read.

I have a sneaky feeling we may just nick this one, provided we play as we have done for our last 2 games. We just need that final bit of quality in front of goal and we could safe for this season.

1-2 C'MON ROVERS!!!!!!

[brian nelsen]

Excellent, light-hearted and funny preview. Spot on. Time to finish off that sequence with a nice, big 'W'.

[DE.]

Great preview!

We must not lose this one, so fingers crossed I'm going for 1-1.

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

Obviously I'd take a 1-1 now. Great preview.

[American Rover12]

Great preview BRB, enjoyable read. 2-0 Rovers. Parker OG Lars OG

[Steve Moss]

Coming down to the wire. Hope the squad turns up and plays like the fighters they are.

[roverwhelmed]

Fantastic preview. Well done to you.

I just hope we manage to scrape a decent result, I would take a draw right now but would do cartwheels for a win.

It'd be wonderful to be safe by the Manure game, so it isn't quite as nerve wrecking.

[den]

Great preview BRB.

My prediction:

West Ham United 2. [byrne 2] - Blackburn Rovers 8. [Pickering 3, McEvoy 3, Ferguson, Douglas]

Attendance: 20,500

[Tom]

Another massive game, easy job for Kean, teamtalk makes itself, play your hearts out for 90 minutes and we'll be safe. A draw makes it very hard for them to overtake us.

It's not over if we lose (which I think we will) but we can end the pain with a win.

How nice would it be to go into the United game relaxed for once.

[DavidMailsTightPerm]

Quality preview.

Same team again - but replace Hoilett for either Benjani or Roberts.

A draw here - and other results go for us - and we are probably safe.

Because of the Bolton win - we can possibly lose this one and get away with it (if other results go our way) - but lets not go there - my health can't take it. Plus it would help out local rivals at Blackpool if we can pull off a result.

[Iceman]

www.kumb.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=124736&st=0&sk=t&sd=a&start=1440

[roverwhelmed]

www.kumb.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=124736&st=0&sk=t&sd=a&start=1440

They're all a bit presumptuous on there

Prove them wrong, prove them wrong, prove them wrong!

[Ben-2000]

3 points and we're safe, if not it will come down to a very nervy last game espcially if Wolves are still in the survival race.

I think it will be a draw. One of the games where Kean will get away with playing for such, as let's face it WHAM are crap!

[Mercer]

Just read that WHAM expect to have Parker back from his achilles and Upson to recover from his dead leg.

As for Hoilett, a real strange one. As flagged before, IMO, we may well have seen the last of him in a Rovers' shirt.

[Nafe_rovers]

2-1 to blues... cummon...loads of my mates from Uni are hammers fans... could do with getting one over on them... for once!

[dew22]

Awesome preview!

[steverovers]

2-1 to Rovers in my opinion. WHam are dire, City were 'in their armchairs' after 15 mins today.

Come on you blues!

[joey_big_nose]

I'd love to see Hoilett back for this replacing Emerton. Apart from that happy with the side at the moment. Looks like we can pull off 442 with Jones and Nzonzi in the middle (as opposed to Dunn and Jones who were terrible against Everton).

Shame about the abject striking talent, but Benjani and Roberts do cause real problems for the opposing centrebacks and deserve to start again after Bolton. Form suggests at least one of them will have a bad game, but thats what substitutes are for.

Gav has got a pasting on the Bolton thread but Kean does deserve some credit for changing the shape against Man City and Bolton and getting performances out of the team in both games, as much as he deserves stick for the sorry attempt against Everton. Lets see if he can keep it up.

An away win would be fantastic, a daw a good result.

[xtp]

Looks like we can pull off 442 with Jones and Nzonzi in the middle (as opposed to Dunn and Jones who were terrible against Everton).

If I remember right, the change was forced on him by Dunn's injury. My main concern for the West Ham match is that with Dunn fit again, Kean may put him back in the centre, dropping either Jones or N'Zonzi. Hopefully he's not that stupid.