[Archived] Coco's Christmas

[Mike Graham]

After my 2nd Xmas do of the season I was sat on t'loo this morning in the recovery position In a Kendal hotel room thinking if I spent Christmas morning with SK what would I buy our beloved.

I came up with three pressies:

Coco Chanel perfume, a P45 and a gag.

What you you buy him?

[47er]

A lb of tripe for one of his pressers.

[chris]

Slim fast

Minoxidil

A LIE DETECTOR that he has to where at all times and gives him a 450–600 V electric shock, this should help cure his compulsive lying problem.

[47er]

lip balm

[Torgeir]

A Jane Fonda fitness video.

[Kelbo]

I would buy him a copy of the now defunct newspaper sold at Blackpool years ago, 'Billys Weekly Liar'

Anyone remember that?

[OhmiBRFC]

One way ticket to India.

[london-rover]

http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/nothing/index.html

[King Kenny's Magic]

I'd put Coco's Christmas budget into one gift. An all expenses indeffinite stay at one of the worlds WORST mental hospitals. Daily electric shock therapy,regular "kick ins" off dodgy hospital staff and a promise he'll be kept in a state of the art strait jacket 24 hours a day. If only Carlsberg did Christmas eh?!

[broadsword]

a dildo.

a one-way ticket to pune.

alcohol-free lager

[Roost]

Number 1

Number 2

Number 3

[Guest Rovers4Good]

I'd buy him a 2 litre bottle of whisky, a brown bag and a piece of rope.

[Aberdeen Blue]

A hitman, a hitman and a hitman...... just to be sure!

[Sparky Marky]

A baseball bat.

[King Kenny's Magic]

Number 1

Number 2

Number 3

I bet he's got the first two already. I wonder if he prances around in the Bruno costume a bit like Partridge in those seedy(but very funny) daydream fantasies he used to go into mid conversation. "OOOH do you like my Bruno costume Jerome? It's in vulcrunised leather so it does't perish..."

[LeftWinger]

A suit that fits him - not just one of Sams that he's attempting to 'grow into'

[Roost]

I bet he's got the first two already. I wonder if he prances around in the Bruno costume a bit like Partridge in those seedy(but very funny) daydream fantasies he used to go into mid conversation. "OOOH do you like my Bruno costume Jerome? It's in vulcrunised leather so it does't perish..."

Smell my cheese............!!

[Jansen is God]

Itching powder (to apply to his trigger finger)

Shotgun

Gaffer Tape

You do the maths.

Disclaimer: This is a joke! I'd never buy Steve Kean any presents!

[tomphil]

A taxi fare to Surrey one way,

A train ticket to Surrey one way,

A self destructing rocket to the F#####g moon.

[Stuart]

I'd get him a Burnley shirt but he's probably already got one.

[K-Hod]

A shotgun and 5 shells, just to be sure.

[donnermeat]

I would buy him a copy of the now defunct newspaper sold at Blackpool years ago, 'Billys Weekly Liar'

Anyone remember that?

That's what a colleague of mine calls me time sheet at work! Now I know why! I got the general gist of it before but now I know the full story. Thanks for that.

I'll go all traditional and say a lump of coal.

[Ferrit]

An extended jail sentence

Some alcohol free beer

The biggest dildo I could find, so he can ram it straight up his jacksey.

[Seggie]

Idd give him my presents at Manchester Airport

a free ticket to India, leaving within the next 2 hours, so he can see the owners

a suitcase

1kilo's worth of Heroin in that suitcase.

Id let him go on his merry way and make a annoymous phone call to indian customs

Happy xmas Keano

(and this time it would be telling the truth taht the fans framed him in court)

[bluebruce]

A clue.