[Archived] New business interest in Ewood

[Mike Graham]

The Sunday Sport of India (*) last week announced interest from an undertakers to take office space in the Ewood Park Business Center in the Darwen End WRECK Stand.

The business is to be called "Balaji Orr - Undertakers to the Rich and Famous and Speciality Bling Funerals".

The nearby River Darren is to used to launch funeral pyres where bodies will be swathed inside replica shirts and placed on a raft of unsold Rovers Review programmes and unsold season tickets before being launched on their way to Witton Park where Rovers players will give a solemn wave past (if agents allow) from their new training centre on this litter strewn public park (readers please note that the former training ground and academy is now a centre for mental illness).

For those families wanting some bling to send off their loves ones then Balaji Orr has something special on the basis of a large wad of cash left under the doormat of number 1 The Tenement, East End of Bad Land Glasgow, Jock Land. You can have a comedy show lead by the best paid clown of all, Mr Coco Keaneo, and special effects by our very own Venky Spark. If you want a nice story about how well your loved one was performing, right until s/he fell off their crutches whilst trying to defend the goal line against Burscough FC then we have the very best in Degsy and Agspew who are well known in Preston town.

Phone Balaji Orr on 01254-4 4 2. ( calls charged at lots of rupees per second, and this will appear on your statement as Coco and Co).

* recent front page headlines include:

"Holy Cow Found on the Moon"

"Elvis and Gandi Found Alive Playing hopscotch on the Moon"

"Mrs Desai loves Rovers as much as her Pet Chicken.....according Shoddy Singh"