[Archived] Burnley v Rovers 2nd December 2012

[arbitro]

Kean wanted to turn us into a mini Arsenal and signed many Arsenal 'type' players and Berg is picking up the pieces. He needs to be able to bring some of his own players in January and if he fails then have a go. The unbalanced squad is there for all to see. I think Berg deserves credit today for getting Pedersen off so early in the second half. As far as I was concerned this was the turning point for us. Until then the majority of problems came from down our left side where Pedersen was frankly shocking. King had strength, pace, was prepared to run at them and track back. All this nonsense about a lack of commitment is, for me a load of nonsense. We didn't play well in the first half and made some basic errors but to question our attitude is plain wrong in my opinion. On Wednesday I said we lacked effort but today absolutely not.

[DE.]

Crikey we drew!

Imagine what this messageboard would have been like if we had if our 33 years rule over the dingles had ended....

That will happen in the return fixture at Ewood, mark my words.

[Gav]

A dreadful game played out by two poor sides who will both be playing Championship football next season. Shebby is on a different plant if he thinks this club is Premier League bound. Venkys have spent two years dismantling what Jack Walker and Trust built up over the best part of 20 years and the results were there for all to see today. We were no better than Burnley and a point was the least the Clarets deserved. It's hard to see where we go from here as we are nothing more than an average Championship team. An utterly depressing day all round having spent a full day to travel ten miles to watch a desperately poor game.

This wasn't about getting promoted, it wasn't about venkys and that muppet Singh, it was about waking into the lions den and not getting beat.

We could have won, but we got a draw and after recent performances we're over the bleedin moon our house

Anyone who thinks we'll go up this season needs a reality check, this season is about consolidation, next season we kick on, I only hope the 34yrs unbeaten stays intact.

[ABBEY]

Did we lose ???

NO !

[Gav]

But after 10 minutes when they were all run ragged and knackerde you need a bit more

....and we got a bit more, we scored and controlled the second half for large parts.

Things arent right, we all know that, but lets have it right, we battled today, with players that are just not good enough at this level and we came away with the dingles foaming at the mouth, job done!

[ABBEY]

This wasn't about getting promoted, it wasn't about venkys and that muppet Singh, it was about waking into the lions den and not getting beat.

We could have won, but we got a draw and after recent performances we're over the bleedin moon our house

Anyone who thinks we'll go up this season needs a reality check, this season is about consolidation, next season we kick on, I only hope the 34yrs unbeaten stays intact.

To right pal , not only that but if got up there's no way the scumkys would spend 50 million to replace this squad with a prem one.

[thenodrog]

You don't think Jack would be spinning in his grave at what his "Trustees" invited upon our club? All of this could have been so easily avoided had the people in charge of Jack's legacy actually cared enough not to sell us down the river.

If this was a biblical tale, they would surely be the Pontius Pilate of our crucifixion.

Hardly their fault when only one of them has even a passing interest in BRFC. Even Jacks equal partner Fred had no interest. The Trust did well for Jack for a full decade after his death and sunk many millions into BRFC but I doubt he'd want to see them blow the lot on the stupidity that is the world of football.

Whelan refuses to saddle his kids with the same poisoned chalice that the Trust picked up.... and rightly so.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2010/nov/10/blackburn-venkys-dave-whelan-wigan

[Waggy76]

That will happen in the return fixture at Ewood, mark my words.

It might , but hopefully we may have some decent players by then ....

[thenodrog]

Unfortunately I dread to think what Venky's will do if we're still misfiring in the Championship in a couple of years time. I don't think we'll be allowed to simply find our "natural level".

Thats precisely what we will do. The days of BRFC on Fantasy Island will come to an end.

[rovers11]

Sounded like a fair result in the end. Burnley were better in the 1st half while rovers were better in the 2nd. Kings introduction changed the game, Scott Dann outstanding, Rhodes clinical.

Central midfielder is such a weak area for us. When we lose possession we struggle to get it back. Need to address that in january with a tough tackling midfielder. Also struggling to hold the ball up in the striking area - Best's return will be massive. Pedersen is well and truly past it, we need pace on the wings. King caused them all sorts of problems. A right winger is also needed.

In january/summer I would ship out Pedersen, formica, slew, Marcus Olsson, and maybe vuckevic. Dunn is also far to injury prone so I would consider getting rid.

We need a new central midfielder, left back and right midfielder.

[roversfan99]

Not sure why the non-attenders are having a go at Murphy again, I thought he was better with Lowe, it's Etuhu that is the donkey.

I thought King had a real impact when he came on with some good running. Formica looked very good in the second half, technically good, asking for the ball, some lovely turns and also out of all the foreign players we have who can play in attacking midfield, he is the one with an ounce of passion and grit.

Robinson bailed us out a couple of times in the first half, and Hanley and Dann were called upon too much but dealt well with the danger, in particular the latter who was a rock.

I see many on here thought Vukcevic and Givet should have started. I agree on Givet but Hanley played well, and I also rate Vukcevic but he cost us the crucial free kick.

Pedersen was dire and wasted any set pieces, him going off for King was a catalyst for a turnaround in the match.

And crucially Rhodes took his chance but he was again isolated. This is the problem in my opinion.

Berg needs to critically get players in support, with Kazim in the side, why not play him beside Rhodes to provide a physical presence? With players like Formica, King and even Murphy getting forward on a regular basis.

If Rhodes is left isolated, the ball won't stick and it'll keep coming back. Also, why doesn't someone like Kazim stay on the half way line whilst we defend? That way they have to put one or two players back with him, it then means we are giving them something to think about.

We also struggle to defend set pieces, which is a worry with a defender in charge, how did Vokes get free for another late goal? Also we now have no threat from our own set pieces.

[SamDingle]

A draw was about right, not a classic. Like two bald men fighting over a comb for much it.

[Gav]

A draw was about right, not a classic. Like two bald men fighting over a comb for much it.

Your fans are absolutely terrible, atmosphere from home fans was pathetic, you could hear a pin drop, no wonder its called the morgue.

[broadsword]

Thats precisely what we will do. The days of BRFC on Fantasy Island will come to an end.

You do realise of course that our "natural level" may be sub-Championship if Venky's decide to let us rot?

[chaddyrovers]

Not sure why the non-attenders are having a go at Murphy again, I thought he was better with Lowe, it's Etuhu that is the donkey.

I thought King had a real impact when he came on with some good running. Formica looked very good in the second half, technically good, asking for the ball, some lovely turns and also out of all the foreign players we have who can play in attacking midfield, he is the one with an ounce of passion and grit.

Robinson bailed us out a couple of times in the first half, and Hanley and Dann were called upon too much but dealt well with the danger, in particular the latter who was a rock.

I see many on here thought Vukcevic and Givet should have started. I agree on Givet but Hanley played well, and I also rate Vukcevic but he cost us the crucial free kick.

Pedersen was dire and wasted any set pieces, him going off for King was a catalyst for a turnaround in the match.

And crucially Rhodes took his chance but he was again isolated. This is the problem in my opinion.

Berg needs to critically get players in support, with Kazim in the side, why not play him beside Rhodes to provide a physical presence? With players like Formica, King and even Murphy getting forward on a regular basis.

If Rhodes is left isolated, the ball won't stick and it'll keep coming back. Also, why doesn't someone like Kazim stay on the half way line whilst we defend? That way they have to put one or two players back with him, it then means we are giving them something to think about.

We also struggle to defend set pieces, which is a worry with a defender in charge, how did Vokes get free for another late goal? Also we now have no threat from our own set pieces.

good points there.

Our set pieces should be took by Murphy or Formica.

we need to stop give away free kicks for stupid fouls in crucial areas instead mark your man and stay on your feet.

LancsPolice‏@LancsPolice

Despite rumours, we can confirm that NONE of the Blackburn Rovers coaches have had bricks thrown at them

[SamDingle]

Your fans are absolutely terrible, atmosphere from home fans was pathetic, you could hear a pin drop, no wonder its called the morgue.

Aye alright, Frodo.

[thenodrog]

You do realise of course that our "natural level" may be sub-Championship if Venky's decide to let us rot?

Of course. Do you think I came down with the last rain shower Bryan?

[broadsword]

No, but you seem remarkably placid about the prospect.

Perhaps it's fatalism on your part? Certainly there's nothing you or I can really do to wrestle the club away from Venky's death grasp.

[Gav]

Aye alright, Frodo.

Is that Yorkshire speak for yes you're right Gav

2 minutes away from you keaning off for 6 months like last time, of all the luck

LancsPolice‏@LancsPolice

Despite rumours, we can confirm that NONE of the Blackburn Rovers coaches have had bricks thrown at them

Oh no, so they've absolutely nothing to celebrate tonight.....

[1864roverite]

Taken from meeting the iron age

One down two to go !

Morning manoevres into the land called dingleland began at 1015 sharp. After a command briefing at the home location, the trek into the wilderness began via Ewoodbehappys house where the "orders" were to be collected.

Catain Mike aka Preston Blue was at the helm, we left Ewoodbehappy to look after his own command centre, he had blagged the tv remote, banned his wife from the living room and banished her to the heat of the kitchen as she was demoted to kitchen duties preparing a feast for family visitations later in the day. its true say that in true hero style, Ewoodbehappy sent us off with a good luck message and the blue and white ribbons were safely hidden. Capt Mike wore his lucky blue and white underkeckers whilst my badge of allegience was pinned on my heart as well as being tattooed on my arm.

In true stealth style, the incursion into the target area went smoothly without any real interaction with the enemy. A few trolls were seen on the road out of dingleland, you could easily spot them as they wore this horrendous coloured top which is aptly named claret and poo. As we neared the target location central position we managed to evade detection from the local security in the form of Lancs Plod as well as the spotters from the enemy who were conspicuous by their "uniforms" which consisted of them all wearing the same coloured footwear ! Can anyone imagine an enemy all wearing the same coloured, claret and poo trainers ?

Capt Mike, encouraged by the current stealth status of the newly acquired Ford Focus breached enemy lines, passing the central location and then managed to safely secure the transport at an undisclosed location near the central target. thus allowing us an easy getaway should we be detected. Of course, in accordance with health and safety all relevant precautions were taken !

It was here that we encountered our first real problem, the locals. Clearly, being trolls they are easily identified. 6 fingers, large swollen faces and heads, hunched backs and small legs and of course always in groups of 10 or more. it was clear that Capt Mike and me could easily be discovered unless we could mingle amongst the locals. Success was made as we joined the queue for a hot drink and a pie at the end house on the terrace. I doidnt see any health and safety certificates and it didnt exactly resemble a soup kitchen but we had the take the opportunity to try and mingle and allow a successful entry into dingledome, the primary objective. Having taken up a position flanking capt Mike, my intention was to try and graps the local language/dialect as we were clearly the superior being. I considered our position but Mike successfully ordered coffee and a pie, although the troll behind the counter appeared to question our identity I managed to deflect her attention by asking for sugar which it duly obliged without further questionning and some said that fish have a small fraction of memory retention !

I noted at this point our current location and identified escape routes and other targets in the immeidate area such as the local dingledome shop, the ticket office, the bookies and a stall that bore the appearance of a takeaway caravan as well as being a mansion for one of the local inbreeds. Still, we sought a bit of sanctuary in amongst the enemy lines in order to gain more intelligence on the ground. This proved difficult especially with the language barrier and the fact that the enemy appeared to move in large groups that consisted of old and young (mainly young). Having managed to eat on the job, target one was established. the Bookies. The task was to infiltrate it, place a bet on Rovers to win and also to leave a series of messages on plain betting slips for the enemy in order to confuse them ands to let them know that their "fortress" as supported by the local security firm aka lancs plod could be penetrated by a far superior being, a Rovers fan without being detected.

Capt mike made the first move as I again took up a flanking position. Having entered without detection various betting slips were stratgically placed back amongst the blank ones. Messages such as "Rovers were here", "dingle scum", "Rovers to win 1-0 and Rhodes to score" were left as evidence that their hovel had been entered by the superior enemy from Blackburn. Stage 2 of that operation was completed as capt mike placed his bet and escaped without detection, the member of staff too slow to realise that Capt Mike had placed a bet on Rovers to beat the dingles.

Exit complete, the next task was to locate a member of the enemy who went by the name of bertie bee, a troll in disguise and one who continually gets away with winding up the Rovers fans when we last visited this hovel. Very quickly, after a quick recce on the arrivng Rovers fans, target was spotted and a quick flanking manoevre placed us both surrounding him. Our efforts to take him out completely were obstructed by the local families, and by christ there was a lot of them, who wanted the familiaral photographs taken with their hero (or was it peado). The task was therefore amended to simply ensure that photographic evidence was obtained with Bertie and a Rovers fan together behind enemy lines. Due to capt mikes lightfooted manoevering I was able to secure the image and get it posted on twitter along with the betting slip evidence (see my twitter pages @warrenwarren126). So with that task completed, we embarked on securing entry into the dingledome ahead of the scheduled 1230 cut off point, again remaining undetected. This proved a little difficult, again as we had to at least make contact with an unsuspecting member of the local community to ensure the right access point was identified and especially as the local families were now in full force, grunting and chunting their way into the entry access areas. it was proving difficult to remain undetected, the lack of a 6 fingered glove being the main concern and the lack of wearing of the claret and poo footwear and clothing. capt Mike successfuly navigated the contact and an entry point was established. Again, the simple flanking manoevre undertaken by a far superior force, ensured successful entry was made, again without detection.

Once inside dingledome, things became a bit more hairy. It was hard to remain anonymous as myself and mike struggled with the local lingo. A quick brew and some intermingling under the stand was undertaken again the simple task being to remain undetected. We took up a position in the stand where the hordes of Blue and White fans could be seen and cewrtainly heard. It looked mightily impressive and loud. We still had to take up our secured position in the jimmy macilroy seating area so we made our way without any real challenges and took our seats.

Throughout the first 45 minutes of the spectacle before us I tried to make an understanding of the local grunts. There was one grunt that I couldnt really get my head around and it went like this.

"COME ON BUM ME".

Tthis was the repeated sound from the locals. Now, being of superior intelligence and intellect, I was sure that I wasnt down Canal Street or any other location where that type of behaviour carried on and I found it hard to understand they were begging for anal sex, but whatever the reason, they continued right up until 20 minutes from the end of the entertainment. I must point out, with complete success we managed to remain undetected from the enemy and gave them no concern as me and Mike kept our hands in pockets !

That moment that the wonderful mr Rhodes stooped to head home sent me into meltdown. Oh how I wanted to give away my position with ultimate joy. However, composure was regained and a quick communication with Mike brought me down to earth. Again, and I cannot understand this, the enemy hordes responded with the call of

"COME ON BUM ME"

I was wondering when Quentin Crisp, the fairy godmother and Elton John were all going to come forward and oblige, oh yes as well as the double glazing salesman and Bertie, in order to oblige their vocal requests. I would have liked Eltons autograph if he had made an appearance. Still, with Rovers leading as we approached zero hour, it became clear that the enemy were intent on razing the town to the ground once more so exit strategies were discussed.

A number of options remained but we decided on the simple, keep a low profile and all will be well. At the 60 second countdown began I meemoed to Mike that we should make off whilst the locals were praying and crying out for anal sex, this was going to be the only way that me and mike could be found out as we are both completely hetersexual when the enemy scored an equaliser out of the blue. This brought hordes of derision from the locals and appeared to whet their sexual appetite even more. there was hugging, stroking, kissing and yet again more calls for "COME ON BUM ME". Before exit was secured.

The game ended 1-1. me and capt endured 1 last mingling with the enemy until secure entry was made into the getaway car and having evaded detection, a rapid entry back into the light side of East Lancs was made prior to arriving safely at our home destination.

So, Rovers took a point. The 34 years of hurt continue for the enemy. Their will be some lucky punters in Corals who will pick up betting slips and find lovely messages from Rovers fans who didnt get kidnapped and have to travel under the dicatorship of the state security services and wonder what they mean (those that can read anyway).

There will almost probably be a KEANfest in dingleland tonight and an explosion in the local population in 9 months time.

One things for certain. If Canal Street ever try for an alternative option, then they can head over the dingleland where the cries of "COME ON BUM ME" are heard through every backstreet and alleyway around the dingledome.

Mission accomplished for now. 1 point is better than 0 and the fun we had at their expense was to behold.

COYB

[Gav]

Taken from meeting the iron age

One down two to go !

Morning manoevres into the land called dingleland began at 1015 sharp. After a command briefing at the home location, the trek into the wilderness began via Ewoodbehappys house where the "orders" were to be collected.

Catain Mike aka Preston Blue was at the helm, we left Ewoodbehappy to look after his own command centre, he had blagged the tv remote, banned his wife from the living room and banished her to the heat of the kitchen as she was demoted to kitchen duties preparing a feast for family visitations later in the day. its true say that in true hero style, Ewoodbehappy sent us off with a good luck message and the blue and white ribbons were safely hidden. Capt Mike wore his lucky blue and white underkeckers whilst my badge of allegience was pinned on my heart as well as being tattooed on my arm.

In true stealth style, the incursion into the target area went smoothly without any real interaction with the enemy. A few trolls were seen on the road out of dingleland, you could easily spot them as they wore this horrendous coloured top which is aptly named claret and poo. As we neared the target location central position we managed to evade detection from the local security in the form of Lancs Plod as well as the spotters from the enemy who were conspicuous by their "uniforms" which consisted of them all wearing the same coloured footwear ! Can anyone imagine an enemy all wearing the same coloured, claret and poo trainers ?

Capt Mike, encouraged by the current stealth status of the newly acquired Ford Focus breached enemy lines, passing the central location and then managed to safely secure the transport at an undisclosed location near the central target. thus allowing us an easy getaway should we be detected. Of course, in accordance with health and safety all relevant precautions were taken !

It was here that we encountered our first real problem, the locals. Clearly, being trolls they are easily identified. 6 fingers, large swollen faces and heads, hunched backs and small legs and of course always in groups of 10 or more. it was clear that Capt Mike and me could easily be discovered unless we could mingle amongst the locals. Success was made as we joined the queue for a hot drink and a pie at the end house on the terrace. I doidnt see any health and safety certificates and it didnt exactly resemble a soup kitchen but we had the take the opportunity to try and mingle and allow a successful entry into dingledome, the primary objective. Having taken up a position flanking capt Mike, my intention was to try and graps the local language/dialect as we were clearly the superior being. I considered our position but Mike successfully ordered coffee and a pie, although the troll behind the counter appeared to question our identity I managed to deflect her attention by asking for sugar which it duly obliged without further questionning and some said that fish have a small fraction of memory retention !

I noted at this point our current location and identified escape routes and other targets in the immeidate area such as the local dingledome shop, the ticket office, the bookies and a stall that bore the appearance of a takeaway caravan as well as being a mansion for one of the local inbreeds. Still, we sought a bit of sanctuary in amongst the enemy lines in order to gain more intelligence on the ground. This proved difficult especially with the language barrier and the fact that the enemy appeared to move in large groups tht consisted of old and young. Having managed to eat on the job, target one was established. the Bookies. The task was to infiltrate it, place a bet on Rovers to win and also to leave a series of messages on plain betting slips for the enemy in order to confuse them ands to let them know that their "fortress" as supported by the local security firm aka lancs plod could be penetrated by a far superior being, a Rovers fan without being detected.

Capt mike made the first move as I again took up a flanking position. Having entered without detection various betting slips were stratgically placed back amongst the blank ones. Messages such as "Rovers were here", "dingle scum", "Rovers to win 1-0 and Rhodes to score" were left as evidence that their hovel had been entered by the superior enemy from Blackburn. Stage 2 of that operation was completed as capt mike placed his bet and escaped without detection, the member of staff too slow to realise that Capt Mike had placed a bet on Rovers to beat the dingles.

Exit complete, the next task was to locate a member of the enemy who went by the name of bertie bee, a troll in disguise and one who continually gets away with winding up the Rovers fans when we last visited this hovel. Very quickly, after a quick recce on the arrivng Rovers fans, target was spotted and a quick flanking manoevre placed us both surrounding him. Our efforts to take him out completely were obstructed by the local families, and by chrsit there was a lot of them, who wanted the familiaral photographs taken with their hero (or was it peado). The task was therefore amended to simply ensure that photogrpahic evidence was obtained with Bertie and a Rovers fan together behind enemy lines. Due to capt mikes lightfooted manoevering I was able to secure the image and get it posted on twitter along with the betting slip evidence (see my twitter pages @warrenwarren). So with that task completed, we embarked on securing entry into the dingledome ahead of the scheduled 1230 cut off point, again remaining undetected. This proved a little difficult, again as we had to at least make contact with an unsuspecting member of the local community to ensure the right access point was identified and espewcially as the local families were now in full force, grunting and chunting their way into the entry access areas. it was proving difficult to remain undetected, the lack of a 6 fingered glove being the main concern and the lack of wearing of the claret and poo footwear and clothing. capt Mike successfuly navigated the contact and an entry point was established. Again, the simple flanking manoevre undertaken by a far superior force, ensured successful entry was made, again without detection.

Once inside dingledome, things became a bit more hairy. It was hard to remain anonymous as myself and mike struggled with the local lingo. A quick brew and some intermingling under the stand was undertaken again the simple task being to remain undetected. We took up a position in the stand where the hordes of Blue and White fans could be seen and cewrtainly heard. It looked mightily impressive and loud. We still had to take up our secured position in the jimmy macilroy seating area so we made our way without any real challenges and took our seats.

Throughout the first 45 minutes of the spectacle before us I tried to make an unerstanding of the local grunts. There was one grunt that I couldnt really get my head around and it went like this.

"COME ON BUM ME". this was the repeated sound from the locals. Now, being of superior intelligence and intellect, I was sure that I wasnt down Canal Street or any other location where that type of behaviour carried on and I found it hard to uderstand they were begging for anal sex, bit whatever the reason, they continued right up until 20 minutes from the end of the entertainment. I must point out, with complete success we managed to remain undetected from the enemy and gave them no concern as me and Mike kept our hands in pockets !

That moment that the wonderful mr Rhodes stooped to head home sent me into meltdown. Oh how I wanted to give away my position with ultimate joy. However, composure was regained and a quick communication with Mike brought me down to earth. Again, and I cannot understand this, the enemy hordes respinded with the call of

"COME ON BUM ME"

I was wndering when Quentin Crisp, the fairy godmother and Elton John were all going to come forward and oblige, oh yes as well as the double glazing salesman and Bertie, in order to oblige their vocal requests. I would have liked Eltons autograph if he had made an appearance. Still, with Rovers leading as we approached zero hour, it became clear that the enemy were intent on razing the town to the ground once more so exit strategies were discussed.

A number of options remained but we decided on the simple, keep a low profile and all will be well. At the 60 second countdown began I meemoed to Mike that we should make off whilst the locals were praying and crying out for anal sex, this was going to be the only way that me and mike could be found out as we are both completely hetersexual when the enemy scored an equaliser out of the blue. This brought hordes of derision from the locals and appeared to whet their sexual appetite even more. there was hugging, stroking, kissing and yet again more calls for "COME ON BUM ME". Before exit was secured.

The game ended 1-1. me and capt endured 1 last mingling with the enemy until secure entry was made into the getaway car and having evaded detection, a rapid entry back into the light side of East Lancs was made prior to arriving safely at our home destination.

So, Rovers took a point. The 34 years of hurt continue for the enemy. Their will be some lucky punters in Corals who will pick up betting slips and find lovely messages from Rovers fans who didnt get kidnapped and have to travel under the dicatorship of the state security services and wonder what they mean.

There will almost probably be a KEANfest in dingleland tonight and an explosion in the local population in 9 months time.

One things for certain. If Canal Street ever try for an alternative option, then they can head over the dingleland where the cries of "COME ON BUM ME" are heard through every backstreet and alleyway around the dingledome.

Mission accomplished for now. 1 point is better than 0 and the fun we had at their expense was to behold.

COYB

Fantastic

[Claytons Left Boot]

A draw was about right, not a classic. Like two bald men fighting over a comb for much it.

33..............becomes...................34.....................

[roversfan99]

good points there.

Our set pieces should be took by Murphy or Formica.

we need to stop give away free kicks for stupid fouls in crucial areas instead mark your man and stay on your feet.

Regarding set pieces, there doesn't seem to be any planning in them. I would let Murphy take them as Formica AND Rochina took about 12 corners v Millwall and they were ALL woeful.

Also what was Shebby doing at full time, and to be honest why did he get such a decent reception?

The man is a shameless clown and if he was let go it wouldn't make one iota of a difference.

[perthblue02]

Brilliant Roverite, congratulations on a successful mission to the land that time forgot

[Ewoodbhappy]

Taken from meeting the iron age

One down two to go !

Morning manoevres into the land called dingleland began at 1015 sharp. After a command briefing at the home location, the trek into the wilderness began via Ewoodbehappys house where the "orders" were to be collected.

Catain Mike aka Preston Blue was at the helm, we left Ewoodbehappy to look after his own command centre, he had blagged the tv remote, banned his wife from the living room and banished her to the heat of the kitchen as she was demoted to kitchen duties preparing a feast for family visitations later in the day. its true say that in true hero style, Ewoodbehappy sent us off with a good luck message and the blue and white ribbons were safely hidden. Capt Mike wore his lucky blue and white underkeckers whilst my badge of allegience was pinned on my heart as well as being tattooed on my arm.

In true stealth style, the incursion into the target area went smoothly without any real interaction with the enemy. A few trolls were seen on the road out of dingleland, you could easily spot them as they wore this horrendous coloured top which is aptly named claret and poo. As we neared the target location central position we managed to evade detection from the local security in the form of Lancs Plod as well as the spotters from the enemy who were conspicuous by their "uniforms" which consisted of them all wearing the same coloured footwear ! Can anyone imagine an enemy all wearing the same coloured, claret and poo trainers ?

Capt Mike, encouraged by the current stealth status of the newly acquired Ford Focus breached enemy lines, passing the central location and then managed to safely secure the transport at an undisclosed location near the central target. thus allowing us an easy getaway should we be detected. Of course, in accordance with health and safety all relevant precautions were taken !

It was here that we encountered our first real problem, the locals. Clearly, being trolls they are easily identified. 6 fingers, large swollen faces and heads, hunched backs and small legs and of course always in groups of 10 or more. it was clear that Capt Mike and me could easily be discovered unless we could mingle amongst the locals. Success was made as we joined the queue for a hot drink and a pie at the end house on the terrace. I doidnt see any health and safety certificates and it didnt exactly resemble a soup kitchen but we had the take the opportunity to try and mingle and allow a successful entry into dingledome, the primary objective. Having taken up a position flanking capt Mike, my intention was to try and graps the local language/dialect as we were clearly the superior being. I considered our position but Mike successfully ordered coffee and a pie, although the troll behind the counter appeared to question our identity I managed to deflect her attention by asking for sugar which it duly obliged without further questionning and some said that fish have a small fraction of memory retention !

I noted at this point our current location and identified escape routes and other targets in the immeidate area such as the local dingledome shop, the ticket office, the bookies and a stall that bore the appearance of a takeaway caravan as well as being a mansion for one of the local inbreeds. Still, we sought a bit of sanctuary in amongst the enemy lines in order to gain more intelligence on the ground. This proved difficult especially with the language barrier and the fact that the enemy appeared to move in large groups that consisted of old and young (mainly young). Having managed to eat on the job, target one was established. the Bookies. The task was to infiltrate it, place a bet on Rovers to win and also to leave a series of messages on plain betting slips for the enemy in order to confuse them ands to let them know that their "fortress" as supported by the local security firm aka lancs plod could be penetrated by a far superior being, a Rovers fan without being detected.

Capt mike made the first move as I again took up a flanking position. Having entered without detection various betting slips were stratgically placed back amongst the blank ones. Messages such as "Rovers were here", "dingle scum", "Rovers to win 1-0 and Rhodes to score" were left as evidence that their hovel had been entered by the superior enemy from Blackburn. Stage 2 of that operation was completed as capt mike placed his bet and escaped without detection, the member of staff too slow to realise that Capt Mike had placed a bet on Rovers to beat the dingles.

Exit complete, the next task was to locate a member of the enemy who went by the name of bertie bee, a troll in disguise and one who continually gets away with winding up the Rovers fans when we last visited this hovel. Very quickly, after a quick recce on the arrivng Rovers fans, target was spotted and a quick flanking manoevre placed us both surrounding him. Our efforts to take him out completely were obstructed by the local families, and by christ there was a lot of them, who wanted the familiaral photographs taken with their hero (or was it peado). The task was therefore amended to simply ensure that photographic evidence was obtained with Bertie and a Rovers fan together behind enemy lines. Due to capt mikes lightfooted manoevering I was able to secure the image and get it posted on twitter along with the betting slip evidence (see my twitter pages @warrenwarren126). So with that task completed, we embarked on securing entry into the dingledome ahead of the scheduled 1230 cut off point, again remaining undetected. This proved a little difficult, again as we had to at least make contact with an unsuspecting member of the local community to ensure the right access point was identified and especially as the local families were now in full force, grunting and chunting their way into the entry access areas. it was proving difficult to remain undetected, the lack of a 6 fingered glove being the main concern and the lack of wearing of the claret and poo footwear and clothing. capt Mike successfuly navigated the contact and an entry point was established. Again, the simple flanking manoevre undertaken by a far superior force, ensured successful entry was made, again without detection.

Once inside dingledome, things became a bit more hairy. It was hard to remain anonymous as myself and mike struggled with the local lingo. A quick brew and some intermingling under the stand was undertaken again the simple task being to remain undetected. We took up a position in the stand where the hordes of Blue and White fans could be seen and cewrtainly heard. It looked mightily impressive and loud. We still had to take up our secured position in the jimmy macilroy seating area so we made our way without any real challenges and took our seats.

Throughout the first 45 minutes of the spectacle before us I tried to make an understanding of the local grunts. There was one grunt that I couldnt really get my head around and it went like this.

"COME ON BUM ME".

Tthis was the repeated sound from the locals. Now, being of superior intelligence and intellect, I was sure that I wasnt down Canal Street or any other location where that type of behaviour carried on and I found it hard to understand they were begging for anal sex, but whatever the reason, they continued right up until 20 minutes from the end of the entertainment. I must point out, with complete success we managed to remain undetected from the enemy and gave them no concern as me and Mike kept our hands in pockets !

That moment that the wonderful mr Rhodes stooped to head home sent me into meltdown. Oh how I wanted to give away my position with ultimate joy. However, composure was regained and a quick communication with Mike brought me down to earth. Again, and I cannot understand this, the enemy hordes responded with the call of

"COME ON BUM ME"

I was wondering when Quentin Crisp, the fairy godmother and Elton John were all going to come forward and oblige, oh yes as well as the double glazing salesman and Bertie, in order to oblige their vocal requests. I would have liked Eltons autograph if he had made an appearance. Still, with Rovers leading as we approached zero hour, it became clear that the enemy were intent on razing the town to the ground once more so exit strategies were discussed.

A number of options remained but we decided on the simple, keep a low profile and all will be well. At the 60 second countdown began I meemoed to Mike that we should make off whilst the locals were praying and crying out for anal sex, this was going to be the only way that me and mike could be found out as we are both completely hetersexual when the enemy scored an equaliser out of the blue. This brought hordes of derision from the locals and appeared to whet their sexual appetite even more. there was hugging, stroking, kissing and yet again more calls for "COME ON BUM ME". Before exit was secured.

The game ended 1-1. me and capt endured 1 last mingling with the enemy until secure entry was made into the getaway car and having evaded detection, a rapid entry back into the light side of East Lancs was made prior to arriving safely at our home destination.

So, Rovers took a point. The 34 years of hurt continue for the enemy. Their will be some lucky punters in Corals who will pick up betting slips and find lovely messages from Rovers fans who didnt get kidnapped and have to travel under the dicatorship of the state security services and wonder what they mean (those that can read anyway).

There will almost probably be a KEANfest in dingleland tonight and an explosion in the local population in 9 months time.

One things for certain. If Canal Street ever try for an alternative option, then they can head over the dingleland where the cries of "COME ON BUM ME" are heard through every backstreet and alleyway around the dingledome.

Mission accomplished for now. 1 point is better than 0 and the fun we had at their expense was to behold.

COYB

Congratulations agents 1864 & Captain Mike on a successful recon mission.

Confirmation of the inbred's continued lust for male on male anal - serves as a great warning to the normal folk of East Lancs - support blue & white or risk a life of sore bum ache.

You are true Blue & White. I salute you.