[Archived] March Review

[bob fleming]

Welcome back to this monthly review thing and this, the penultimate review of the season. There’s arguably been seven too many reviews already, and quite frankly I’ve had enough, but we’re nearly there. It’s nearly finished. What another awful season it’s been under the ownership of the Punatics.

What a farce our club has become. Nothing more than an idiots’ play thing, a busted flush, on a par with burnley, a trod on turd on the pavement. Surely we can’t go on like this.

But go on we must, we must not give in.

….and so into March we went. Our play-off hopes (ha ha ha - remember them?) already pretty much lay in tatters. It would take something extra special to propel us into the top six this season. The reality, however, was that it was now the fixtures against Millwall and burnley that would be the main focus.

Rovers boosted the ranks yet again at the beginning of the month thanks to the facsimile power of Paul Agnew’s newly acquired “The Beast ™”: a fax machine made in 1947 that PR / Shelf experts Shagnew bought from a 2^nd hand shop near Deepdale.

Rovers cranked it up and used it to bring in all-action hard lad Cameron Stewart from Hull City and midfielder David Jones from Wigan Athletic.

Saturday 2^nd March – Rovers 2 Peterborough United 3 (Rhodes, Jones / Gayle x3)

WHAT’S GOING ON?!?!?

Dear oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear.

Oh dear. What on earth was that first half all about? Pathetic. If some of those players were trying then they need to pack it in. It was keaning kean.

Three goals conceded in 29 minutes, Gayle was practically unmarked for all the goals, in addition the Posh left winger had so much time on his hands it was
unbelievable - granted the freedom of Ewood courtesy of Bradley Orr.

Murphy, clearly struggling with arthritis, (or was it rigor mortis?) and Orr were replaced at half time. Their “performances” were as bad as it gets. "I won't be able to put that first half performance to bed for the rest of the season," Appleton told Radio Rovers. (Yes, but Venky’s will put you to bed Michael before the end of the season.)

Jordan Rhodes, scoring when he wants, did so in the second half, making it look easy with a cool finish into the keeper’s top left hand corner after a good run, and debutant Dave Jones made the score-line, if nothing else, look a bit more respectable in the last minute.

Monday 4^th March – the fall-out from the Peterborough game continued. UnAppy Appleton stated…

"The football club needs an exorcism. We need a clean slate and to get down to the bare bones and right down to the basics.

"If we are lucky enough to get to Wembley, I hope it doesn't mask what we need to deal with at the club overall. I can't complain about the fans booing at
half-time. I was astonished at how poorly we went about it.

"I get the impression a lot of the past rebuilding has been done on quicksand. You need the foundations in place to take the club forward.

"There will be blood, sweat and tears over the next few months." Indeed there will, mainly the fans tears.

Did Appleton have a point? After all it’s been years since anyone played like a man possessed down there.

As an aside both Orr and Murphy got 2 out of 10 in the Telegraph. I don’t recall anyone getting such low marks before, although quite what they did to get beyond a “1” is anyone’s guess. Maybe a bonus mark from Andy Cryer for not turning out in the second half?

Tuesday 5^th March – Bolton Wandererers 1 Rovers 0 (Eagles)

The games continued to come thick and fast. We conceded with practically the last kick of the game, as we do.

If over the last two years football matches lasted only 85 minutes then Rovers would now be referred to as Brazil 1970 and we’d be competing with the very best in Europe. Unfortunately they don’t and our current form and record had now been officially downgraded to “crap”.

UnAppy rang the changes, dropping Orr, Murphy and Rekik. The team performance was better, let’s be honest it couldn’t be any worse, and a point at the form team in the league would have been OK.

With 10 games to go we were now just seven points above the relegation zone, prompting many BRFCS members to panic and hide.

Next…

Friday 8^th March – A brief interlude from the football. Let’s take a very quick, but totally irrelevant, look into the mysterious world of Tantric Dancing at The School of Awakening (just opposite the Spar in Chulmleigh, Devon).

http://blog.schoolofawakening.com/2010/06/fire-spice-at-the-mbs-tantric-dance/

"A light inside me began to ignite, my chakras were all on fire”.

Yes, well, sorry to hear that love. Stick them in a bucket or something sharpish.

It sounds bloody dangerous all this if you ask me.

Avoid.

Jerome Anderson: Transcending comedy photo captions.

Sunday 10^th March – FA Cup Quarter Final - Millwall 0 Rovers 0

The magic of the Cup. Defences on top. We had a good chance; Jordan Rhodes put it over the bar. Injuries to Henley, Orr and knocks to amongst others, Bentley and Hanley didn’t help. We didn’t stand up to them. Poor, poor, poor.

Wednesday 14^th March – FA Cup Quarter Final Replay - Rovers 0 Millwall 1

More magic.

Actually a massive kick in the teeth and let down for the 8,000 who turned up. It was even poorer than the Sunday game. It never happened. Dire all round again with the possible exception of Dunn and Hanley.

One game from Wembley, and an FA Cup semi-final and this lot just didn’t turn up. A bitter pill to swallow and a tough one take.

Out. One defeat and you’re out. It’s a cruel competition the FA Cup. Played 5, won 3, drew 1, lost 1. We conceded just one goal, and we were out.

Oh well, there’s always next year, isn’t there? No, I very much doubt it…

At this point here’s a video of Tugay. Well, why not?

Friday 15^th March – As though events involving Rovers couldn’t get any more bizarre and surreal it was announced that Rovers now had 21 (twenty one) senior and youth team players on the injury list and that David Dunn wasn’t one of them. You really couldn’t make it up, and neither did I.

(Yeah, like he has been injured since Christmas eh Rovers? #whatsitallabout?)

Sunday 17^th March - Rovers 1 burnley 1 (Dunn / Someone or other)

Oh what magic. Celebrations of the like that had not been seen for years, well not since Kean was sacked anyway, and my front room doesn’t quite cut it in
comparison to Ewood.

We were rubbish, they weren’t much better. Six minutes of injury time, five minutes had gone, it just wasn’t going to happen. Then up popped Dunny, clearly stood offside along with at least another nine other Rovers players, to crash the ball home into the bottom corner of the Darwen End goal, breaking the hearts of 4000 dingles and 7 families in the process and sending Ewood into delirium.

It was no more than Dunn deserved for his efforts in this match, time and again he was fouled in an attempt to take the game to burnley. A player who runs at the opposition. That’s practically unique in our team I’d suggest.

Magic. Briefly happy for a change. Is it just me or have others started thinking, “I wonder if I’ll ever be this happy again watching Rovers?” after something good happens. Thanks Venkys, thanks a lot.

Still 34 years and rising…

David Dunn – Good work fella

Monday 18^th March – Probiz, Rovers shirt sponsors were rumoured to be interested in getting more involved with the club, possibly buying it? Who knows?

Tuesday 19^th March – Still relatively happy after scoring when all looked lost on Sunday, Venky’s and Singh decided to sack Manager Michael Appleton, his Assistant Ashley Westwood, Darren Moore (1^st team coach) and head of player recruitment Luke Dowling, bringing us all back down to earth and a reminder, as though one was needed, that we are owned and run by incompetents.

This was after just 15 games in charge, this also before, in the case of Dowling, he even had a transfer window to operate in.

15 games. 67 days.

Appleton saw the news on Sky Sports and then checked his internal mail to find an envelope containing news of his sacking. Pathetic cowards.

Here’s a picture of a dangerous loose cannon. Leading us down the stairway to oblivion.

Wednesday 20^th March – the search for Venky’s next managerial victim began. Quite frankly who cares? It’ll be some poor unfortunate who will have to work / put up with the meddling of people who shouldn’t even dream of wearing a tracksuit.

Monday 25^th March – Good grief. Will someone please make it stop?

Balaji Rao, the hairy blingy one said: "Blackburn Rovers is my lifelong commitment. I love the fans."

“Let this season finish (and then we shall have a look at the managerial scenario). For this season, we are not looking to just avoid relegation as we think we still have a chance to go up.”

“We are also planning to have our own team here in India. We will 100% use Blackburn Rovers’ brand for the (Indian) club,” he further added.

The Venky’s Managing Director also spoke of his preference for the city of Pune, to set up his I-League club.

“Yes I think I would prefer Pune,since I am from the city itself,” he concluded before climbing into his 3 billion pound personal helicopter made out of jelly and flying off upside down to his invisible 25 trillion pound ‘Special Palace’ made from pixie dust, chicken beaks and gross stupidity.

http://www.goal.com/en-india/news/137/england/2013/03/25/3850634/blackburn-rovers-is-my-lifelong-commitment-venkys-managing

Then, as if we weren’t lucky enough, we actually heard from two clowns in one day!

Singh shrugged off the last 67 days as though they never happened and returned majestically to the Nation’s airwaves on Radio 5 Live.

As with many a much loved and missed comedy character, the country gathered around their wirelesses and televisions for his return in the hope of hearing his legendary catch phrase. He didn’t disappoint, just 0.78 seconds into the broadcast:

“Well, you know ha ha ha ha.”

It was brilliant stuff from Singh. His comedy timing was as accurate as ever:

“SS - putting a smile back on the face of Britain. Again.”

In one of his more long winded gags (he’s no one trick pony this guy) Singh said, "The transition period will end very, very, soon and the fans will start enjoying their football again".

Well you can read into that what you will. Does he mean that Venky’s will be leaving soon? Does he mean they’ll be putting the club up for sale? Perhaps he means he’s bringing the much missed Diego Rosado, or whatever he’s called, back from his loan spell at Timperley Bigshorts? Or maybe he just means the club will be liquidated in three to four weeks and we can all go walking on a Saturday instead?

Singh also said “You can take it from me that 100%,my bosses, the owners, are committed.” “Have been committed” would make a lot more sense, in fact that would clear an awful lot of things up.

All in all it was typical Shebby, always keeping you guessing and wanting to vomit.

Tuesday 26^th March – Messrs Battersby & Currie break their silence. Could this be the cavalry? These guys certainly talk well. We can but live in hope that they can somehow get involved, and work with the Venky’s, or the obvious preference, buy the club from them.

That won’t be easy though when Venky’s won’t speak to anyone other than men with zero credibility who they have seen fit to put into positions of power at Ewood.

Still potential light at the end of the tunnel, just need to find the tunnel now.

Good Friday 29^th March – Rovers 1 Blackpool 1 (Rhodes / Mackenzie)

It was a bit better, I’ve read somewhere. A bit. Not by much though. Rhodes scored again, a diving header to equalise with 11 minutes to go.

That’s two points picked up this month from four games. We’re just two points from the dreaded relegation places, second bottom of the form guide. There are just eight games to go and five of which are away. We’ve games at promotion chasing Cardiff, Crystal Palace and Watford, relegation six pointers with Huddersfield and Sheffield Wednesday. Knowing our luck we’ll probably also have to play Bayern Munich and Barcelona. (I’m joking Venky’s in case you are reading.)

All in all, do try not to panic. Let’s catch up again after the Bayern Birmingham game and see just what the hell has happened.

Summary at the end of March:

Played: 38

Goal Difference: -3

Points: 47

Position: 18^th (just 13 points outside the play off places, but with a game in hand)

Top Goalscorers:

Rhodes 23

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[philipl]

Brilliant as always.

If only the laughs weren't so painful.

Thank you for the Tugay clip.

[DE.]

Cheers Bob, a good read as always. Think you're overestimating the amount of families in Burnley, mind.

[trueblue]

Wonderful yet again Bob, and sooooooo good to see the magnificent Tugay clip .... If only we had him now!

[broadsword]

Love the jellycopter and the pixie dust palace!

[moerpho]

Once again brilliant, bob! Only thing to put a smile on my face this season. Oh....and thanks for the Tugay-video! Actually brought a tear to my eye...those were the days.

[Stuart]

That video of Tugay made me sad.

And, not for the first time, a little annoyed. How on earth did he not get more credit for his goals. Two volleys in particular, if he'd scored them for United people would still be talking about them.

I'm also fairly sure that "Shebby" is actually a Paul Whitehouse creation.

Apart from that Bob on once again! I just hope that the one at the end of April isn't a tale of woe...

[Majiball]

A-1 as always Bob although I must say that's quite a talent for writing you have there as I've never really smiled whilst feeling depressed before.

Top job old bean.

[onlyonejackwalker]

Thank you. An enjoyable read about an unenjoyable month.

Millwall at home in the cup. Truly disgraceful.

The Tugay video is worth watching till the end. Happier times. Tremendous player.

[Boner]

Cheers Bob.

[darrenrover]

Great read Bob, made me smile as per.

Sad that the punatics never fail to oblige with a wealth of new comedy material month after month.

When will it all end?

Keep the faith!

[92er]

Your take on the situation is once again excellent and you deserve all the praise you get.

However, I was looking forward to 2 more round-ups.

1 at the end of April and one towards the end of May. After all,I'm sure there will be things to comment on after the last match and during the course of the month.

[Mike Graham]

What a super super review, thanks Bob.

The Tugay clip nearly made me cry.

The Shaggy Singh photo made me be sick. Can we please ban all Shaggy photos of BRFCS please?

[Baz]

Will we ever see anyone playing in Blue n White halves of Tugays calibre again?

The word legend is banded around liberally these days, but Toogs is a genuine legend for me.

Great review as ever Bob.

[scrumpyblue]

Top stuff Bob!

Tugay = Simply Brilliant!

[SIMON GARNERS 194]

As good and honest as ever Bob.

I feel totally helpless as this club implodes.My anger at critical level.

[windymiller7]

Great review.

The comments have got me thinking though - I don't think Shebby is a Paul Whitehouse creation, he's a real life Dr Bob from Lee Nelson!

[Guest Norbert]

I have to say the sight of a bare chested Jerome Anderson is a bit off putting.

[Biddy]

That Tugay video has just really depressed me. Shows how far and how fast we have fallen. What a legend.

[ratters]

Great summary. Tugay video literally brought a tear to my eye. What a shambles we have become.

[blueboy3333]

Great read Bob.

Tugay for manager. Forever.

[Ianrally]

Once again, many thanks Bob for yet another wonderful review. Reading them each month makes me realise just how much of a downward spiral we are on.

Thanks for the Tugay clip. The skill he displayed for our entertainment, made me realise what we are lacking now. Who in the current team can kill the ball and beat a man with one deft movement.

Many of us on here have had the pleasure of witnessing both Tugay and Shearer both wearing the blue and white halves, and a few, like me, are also of an age to have seen Bryan Douglas. Will we ever see such players again?

[bob fleming]

As things stand Ian, no.

Btw, I just lifted the Tugay clip off YouTube, fantastic stuff. I think it might be our own J*B's work?

[Sparky Marky]

There's not even a Simon barker or Scotty, someone who you can hang your cap on and know they might turn something around....just real crap down there these days Bob..

[bob fleming]

Alan Ainscow? 3 times the player that Murphy is, 1000 times more money a week (ish).

Windy, Faz, Noel, Gennoe, Jim Bran, Baz, Garns, Big Glenn. All gave a damn and then some more. Now we have Dunny, possibly Hanley, Rhodes (not dirty enough) and Jake.

Yep, a shower of sh1te these days. I dont see the hurt or the pain. They just collect the money.

Still, 5 managers, it's never their fault is it???