bellamy11 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Sorry to be just posting a link in here but this had in me in tears laughing!!! ROFLMAO Remind me never to go to Elland Road ever again. That place must be a disaster zone.
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Rovermatt Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Check out Aries Spears's (American comedian and impressionist) rap medley. are
fee Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 My neighbour found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the vet. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. The lady goes to the Chemist and gets some "Nair" hair remover. When she goes to pay, the Chemist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days." The lady says: "I'm not using it under my arms." The Chemist says: "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days." The lady says: "I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer." The Chemist says: "I'd stay off your bicycle for at least a week."
RoversFanUSA Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Check out Aries Spears's (American comedian and impressionist) rap medley. are Dopey dizzle fo shizzle!!!
Wolverine Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 That looks brilliant. Especially George Michaels bit!
colin Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon 5. Aluminium THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Transubstantiate THINGS THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex. 2. Nope, no more booze for me. 3. Sorry, but you're not really my type. 4. Kebab? No thanks, I'm not hungry. 5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight? 6. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing karaoke. 7. I'm not interested in fighting you. 8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool. 9. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street. 10. I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.
1864roverite Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 Bad start to my morning...... On the way to the office this morning, I rear-ended a car. Somehow I knew it was going to be a bad day. The driver got out of the other car, and he was a dwarf, poor @#/?. He looked at his dented car and then looked up at me and said "I am not happy" I said, "Well, which one are you then?" That's how the fight started...
1864roverite Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 God love the Scots Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous. At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." A voice with a broad Scottish accent from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet... "Well, foockin stop doin it then, ya evil @#/?!"
Rovers Air Force Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Subject: Fwd: FW: Genuine Complaint to Edinburgh Police This is the best e-mail....ever? Dear Sir/madam/automated telephone answering service Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Leith police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Leith by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or ouji board. As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in West Cromwell Street which is just off Commercial Street in Leith. Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout the entire building. This game is now in it's third week and as I am unsure how the scoring sytem works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon. The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed. I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of calor gas that is lying on it's side between the two bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches. Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen. What I suggest is this. after replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no ther purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like. I trust that when I take a clawhammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me. I remain sir, your obedient servant ????????? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------ Mr ??????, I have read your e-mail and understand you frustration at the problems caused by youth playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police. As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you. Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable. Regards PC ??? ????????????? Community Beat Officer --------------------------------------------------------------- Dear PC ????? First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original e-mail. 16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for Leith Police station and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next book. Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has it's own community beat officer. May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills. In the five or so years I have lived in West Cromwell Street, I have never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself? Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one with a chin like a wash hand basin? It's surely only a matter of time before you are headhunted by MI5. Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Leith such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these ###### that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere. The pitch behind the Citadel or the one at DKs are both within spitting distance as is the bottom of the Albert Dock. Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to contact me on ??? ????. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer, I'll buy you a large one in the Compass Bar. Regards ??????? P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you don't work for the cleansing department.
Rovers Air Force Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 This has got to be one of the most clever E-mails I've received in awhile. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)! DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE THE MORSE CODE : When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER Yep! Someone with way too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law).
fee Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 Woolworths are selling off their cuddly toys at dirt cheap prices. . . . . . . . . Seems they aren't allowed to make a prophet out of a teddy bear.
Grabbi Graeme Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 After all the mayhem of calling a teddy bear Mohamed in the sudan, Sooty has cancelled his tour of Jamaica.
colin Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 I dont think the 15 days imprisonment for the primary school teacher in Sudan was too harsh. But I did think deporting her to Liverpool was a bit much.
LeftWinger Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 A woman goes into her local music store looking for an old record; behind the counter is small young boy. She says excuse me sonny but do you have Jingle bells on 7 inch He says no but I've got dangling balls on a 9 inch Thats not a record is it? It is for a 10 year old. -------------------------------------------------------------- Went to see a child psychologist the other day.. Useless, mind you was only 7!
DanLad Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I keep looking at the Bentley goal AR12. Great work by Benni Mac peeling the chap off the end of the wall. Never noticed it before! A few people are making runs...RSC just stands and watches it fly in!
Eddie Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 It's actually Mokoena who is on the end of the wall, but you're right, his pushing does get the man out of the way.
philipl Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 The Rovers' laziest player (according to some) sprints in from out of shot to be perfectly positioned to knock in the rebound had it hit the post. Sorry this isn't particularly funny folks. Its a hypnotic clip though.
LeftWinger Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 The Rovers' laziest player (according to some) sprints in from out of shot to be perfectly positioned to knock in the rebound had it hit the post. Yet he'll still be criticised for wasting energy when everyone else knew it was going in
DanLad Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Yet he'll still be criticised for wasting energy when everyone else knew it was going in Maybe the poor chap had a lapse in concentration and was desperately trying to get offside... Only kidding. It was a good, goal-poaching run!
herbergeehh Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 While you're waiting for the game to start.. Sorry for adding a link in here, but it's worth the look.
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