[Archived] Friday Funnies

[mode_m]

http://imgur.com/TtLdb.jpg

[DeadlyDirk]

http://imgur.com/TtLdb.jpg

Fantastic!

[colin]

Sad reflection on our times

Indeed it is. Shame you couldn't have levered in some Gyppos; Micks; Frogs; Pakis; Greasy Wops; Krauts; Shackle-Draggers; Eyeties; slant-eyed Chinks; & Polacks.

It would have been so much funnier.

Here's to next time!

[broadsword]

What's a shackle dragger? I'm intrigued. Over to google ...

EDIT: Ah it's a convict, i thought it might have something to do with being married.

[adopted scouser]

The other day, an attendant stopped me in a hospital car park to tell me, "You can't park here. It's badge holders only."

I replied, "But I have got a bad shoulder."

[T4E]

The other day, an attendant stopped me in a hospital car park to tell me, "You can't park here. It's badge holders only."

I replied, "But I have got a bad shoulder."

Sickipedia much, Nick?

[adopted scouser]

Sickipedia much, Nick?

Not on my own then

[T4E]

Apparently "Ramadan" is not supposed to be taken literally.

Sorry Dan.

[Grabbi Graeme]

Might as well join in the sickapedia thing

My mate has applied to be on X Factor and I want to support him and help him do well, so I killed his mum.

[T4E]

Explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield.

3.14159265 dead.

[T4E]

Secrets to a Happy Marriage

1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.

2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.

3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.

and MOST important...

4. It is important that these three women never meet.

[Big Fat Sam]

Secrets to a Happy Marriage

1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.

2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.

3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.

and MOST important...

4. It is important that these three women never meet.

If only it where that easy.

[broadsword]

thai brides - 3 women in one:-)

[brian_gallagher85]

http://imgur.com/TtLdb.jpg

That mans a genius

[Al]

An elderly British gentleman was at the customs desk in France and spent a little time fumbling for his passport.

The customs officer asked if he had ever been to France before and he answered 'Yes'.

The customs officer then said the he should know that British citizens always had to show their passports and should have them ready.

The old gentleman quietly pointed out that the last time he had visited on the beach in 1944 there hadn't been an ffing Frenchman anywhere near to show it to.

[Tom]

Another oldie

[T4E]

My job is so (Please don't use that word again)ing unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.

The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.

She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.

She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.

Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.

I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.

I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the (Please don't use that word again)ing stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.

In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.

He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.

He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big (Please don't use that word again)ing dog to work.

Every (Please don't use that word again)ing day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.

Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.

Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single (Please don't use that word again)ing day.

Anyway, I drive these (Please don't use that word again)tards around in my van and we solve mysteries and ######.

[Grabbi Graeme]

A G N B :

That's bang out of order.

[Anti-Dingle-Brigade]

Bloody hell, can we not just post links to Sickipedia?

[neekoy]

[Sandiway Blue]

michael shields first tv interview since his release....

Michael:"absolute hell being surrounded by thieves,drug dealers and murderers"

Interviewer:"f**king hell michael give it a chance you've only been back 6 hours!"

[thenodrog]

If Eastenders is so true to life, how come none of the loveable Cockney characters are Man Utd supporters?

[adopted scouser]

Apparently they've found a replacement for Patrick Swayze from the studios at Bollywood.

Dirty Dan Singh

[rebelmswar]

Oxo have brought out a special edition bullion cube to celebrate Newcastle United's achievements in the past season.

They are naming this special cube the laughing stock.

[colin]

Oxo have brought out a special edition bullion cube to celebrate Newcastle United's achievements in the past season.

They are naming this special cube the laughing stock.

That joke went for £50 on The Antiques Roadshow last week.

But no harm done.