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[Archived] Friday Funnies

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bazza Champions League

bazza

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Four Liverpool players were playing football with a hedgehog outside my house last night. I was disgusted & was just about to phone the RSPCA when the hedgehog went one-nil up!

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Grabbi Graeme Uefa Europa League

Grabbi Graeme

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A bloke is sat at home watching tv when his rather large wife comes into the room very unhappy.

"I have just fell down the stairs, did you not hear it" she shouts.

The man replies, "I did hear a noise but I just thought it was Eastenders finishing."

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philipl World Cup

philipl

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Funny and scary:

The best thing going on on the Internet right now: Researchers from the National Institute of Drug Abuse are answering high schoolers questions on a public chat board. It’s really informative actually, but reminds us exactly how stupid and ill-informed we were about drugs back in high school. Also, it’s hysterical, watching people with PhDs in drug research try to answer questions that you’d usually find on Yahoo message boards. Our favorite questions and answers below:

wonder women - Crossroads Academy, Georgia: is it true that when meth heads aint got money to make meth they eat ther on scabs to get the taste of methin there system ??

Dr. Steve Grant: EWWWW!!! I’ve not heard of that before, but it doesn’t make any sense to me. Meth makes people pick at their skin a lot, so they end up with a lot of scabs. Here is a blog we did about it (caution–it’s a little gross): http://teens.drugabuse.gov/blog/meth-mouth-and-crank-bugs-meth-a-morphosis/. Meth also impairs the condition of the skin, so skin takes longer to heal. But scabs would contain little or no meth, so I seriously doubt that anyone would get high from eating scabs. OMG, I have got to get that image out of my head….gotta stop writing now and start thinking of sunshine and kittens.

Jesus and Weed:

Ilovejesus – Rockville HS, Maryland: What does religon say about drug use, especially jesus?

Dr. Nancy Pilotte: This calls for a lot of speculation. I am not sure if many of the naturally-derived drugs that we see today, like cocaine or morphine, were actually used as medications in biblical times. But Jesus DID change water into wine at the wedding at Cana…and his mother asked him to do it.

Just…wow.

some guy – St. Henry District High School, Kentucky: can smoking a joint be a form of birth control

Dr.Ruben Baler: I am not aware of any evidence that suggests marijuana would be a viable mode of birth control.

thanks for the question.

zack s – McCreary Academy, Kentucky: would eating shrooms and weed at the same time kill you or make you really really high?

Dr Ruben: What’s wrong, you don’t like pizza?

But seriously, it is impossible to predict what the mixing will do to you. It does sound though like a very dangerous experiment. Do you feel like a guinea pig tday?

16976678 - Francis Scott Key Middle School, Maryland: DO GLUE GET YOU HIGH

Dr. Jane Lipkin: Along other inhalants like paint and gasoline, the chemical vapors from glue can be very dangerous.Your lungs absorb inhaled chemicals into the bloodstream very quickly, sending them throughout the brain and body. Along with your ‘high,’ sniffing glue may result in death from heart failure or suffocation (inhalants displace oxygen in the lungs). You can get more information from our teen site at http://teens.drugabuse.gov/facts/facts_inhale1.php

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cletus Champions League

cletus

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If World War One was a bar Fight...

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit. Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria's trousers. Russia and Serbia look at Austria. Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at. Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone. Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so. Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene. Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it? Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action. Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium. Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone. Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium. France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other. Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria. Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it. France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change. Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting. America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself. By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

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