[Archived] Rovers And Dry January

[Mike Graham]

Dear Aunty Abbey,

Does watching Rovers and not drinking alcohol for Dry January go together.

I have not had a drop this month and now feel and look like James Bond, a right Adonis figure of a man.

However it has been a right struggle. If Rovers lose tomorrow I will feel like hitting the Rioja.

Is this normal?

Burp :::-)

[Ozz]

Bunkum Mike.

[Husky]

Couldn't they find a word to rhyme with January? hic!

[Ozz]

Thing is, it`s been anything but a dry January. In any sense of the word. A typical month in Winter will be as varied as a haberdashery blanket, but not this one. Oh no. Very wet. On all fronts.

[McClarky]

I have had a far from dry January but can think of a rhyme for it. Something like:

January..........sick and tired you been hanging on me (something like that anyway).

[ABBEY]

Dear Aunty Abbey,

Does watching Rovers and not drinking alcohol for Dry January go together.

I have not had a drop this month and now feel and look like James Bond, a right Adonis figure of a man.

However it has been a right struggle. If Rovers lose tomorrow I will feel like hitting the Rioja.

Is this normal?

Burp :::-)

Dear Mikey baby ..

Stuff dry January ! It's NFL playoffs and no amount of money would enforce dry January .

My advice get @#/? as a fart and don't tell anyone .

Love

Unkle Abbey .. Still awaiting the sex change.

[Mike Graham]

Dear Aunty Abbie,

Thank you for your considered and considerate advice. It is heart warming to know BRFCS members can rely on you as our resident psychoanalyst.

Your advice and maturity is beyond your years. May I please bother you for a tad more advice please?

Every time I hear the word keen or K**n I want to self harm.

Is this normal/human?

Regards

Uncle Mikey

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

I've been trying to stay dry. Most of the time I've done fine. Just had the odd can about a week ago. We don't come back to the UK until early Feb so I'm trying to keep it up whilst then at least. I do feel better for it. I wasn't a heavy drinker but I was a regular drinker and I think it's been catching up with me after probably the best part of fifty years.

[ABBEY]

Dear Aunty Abbie,

Thank you for your considered and considerate advice. It is heart warming to know BRFCS members can rely on you as our resident psychoanalyst.

Your advice and maturity is beyond your years. May I please bother you for a tad more advice please?

Every time I hear the word keen or K**n I want to self harm.

Is this normal/human?

Regards

Uncle Mikey

Dear mikes

My advice is when you have these thoughts ,just kick roverite or gav in the balls.

Unkle abbey

[Mike Graham]

Dear UNCLE ABBEY,

You are the font of all wisdom.

I shall follow your advice.

Only one concern. In return Gav might nut me in the gonads. Should I wait until he is standing on a box?

Also I drove into Burnley last week.....will I get a rash?

Thank you

Uncle M

[yoda's brother]

Dear UNCLE ABBEY,

You are the font of all wisdom.

I shall follow your advice.

Only one concern. In return Gav might nut me in the gonads. Should I wait until he is standing on a box?

Also I drove into Burnley last week.....will I get a rash?

Thank you

Uncle M

if you stopped i would think so

if you drove thru you may be ok

dont forget to drive the car thru the foot and mouth wash

[Mike Graham]

Dear Wise Uncle Abbey,

When Chris Brown plays the woman in front of me in the Jack Walker Upper starts to moan loudly.

Is this an orgasam or is she just fond of our strapping forward?

Should I offer her assistance?

Thank you

Uncle M

[BiggusLaddus]

No the female orgasm is just a myth.

If she's in the Jack Walker then she's probably moaning because her flask of tea has run out, or her tartan blanket might have fallen off her knee.

[Hasta]

Dear Uncle Abbey,

I am due to inherit £1.5 million pounds from a recently departed old acquaintance in India.

The only caveat is that I must travel to Pune and have a civil evening with her distant relative Madam Deasi and the rest of the family.

On arrival I must show my respect by bowing before her and kissing her ring.

I am uneasy about doing this. Can you give any thoughtful advice?

From - Bamboozled in Blackburn

[ABBEY]

Dear UNCLE ABBEY,

You are the font of all wisdom.

I shall follow your advice.

Only one concern. In return Gav might nut me in the gonads. Should I wait until he is standing on a box?

Also I drove into Burnley last week.....will I get a rash?

Thank you

Uncle M

Dear m

You will need to provide gav a set of step ladders to climb the said box

Rash .. Don't enter the kingdom of cloven hooves ..

Dear Wise Uncle Abbey,

When Chris Brown plays the woman in front of me in the Jack Walker Upper starts to moan loudly.

Is this an orgasam or is she just fond of our strapping forward?

Should I offer her assistance?

Thank you

Uncle M

It is the female orgasm ... She's not actually looking at browny ... She's sneaking glances at unkle abbey and if you need to stop her , add blinkers so she can't see N01 and the sex God in the orange Wolfe jersey

No the female orgasm is just a myth.

If she's in the Jack Walker then she's probably moaning because her flask of tea has run out, or her tartan blanket might have fallen off her knee.

Oh it does when unkle abbey delivers

Dear Uncle Abbey,

I am due to inherit £1.5 million pounds from a recently departed old acquaintance in India.

The only caveat is that I must travel to Pune and have a civil evening with her distant relative Madam Deasi and the rest of the family.

On arrival I must show my respect by bowing before her and kissing her ring.

I am uneasy about doing this. Can you give any thoughtful advice?

From - Bamboozled in Blackburn

Yes my friend it's easy ... Kiss the owd hag with a baseball bat

[Mike Graham]

Dear Aunty "man of wisdom" Abbey,

I work with a PNE fan.

How should I greet her in the morning?

Uncle Mikey

[ABBEY]

Dear Micky

Easy

Do as I do in the fiver finger and stump land of unwashed . Stick two fingers up and politely say "morning nobber"

Unkle abbey

[Mike Graham]

Dear Aunty Abbs,

The young lady next door is having a baby soon and she is disconsolate at the thought of having to go to Burnley Hospital for the birth.

She has heard the sprog will grow 6 digits.

Is this true? Please advise what she should do.

Thank you

Uncle PB

[ABBEY]

Dear Aunty Abbs,

The young lady next door is having a baby soon and she is disconsolate at the thought of having to go to Burnley Hospital for the birth.

She has heard the sprog will grow 6 digits.

Is this true? Please advise what she should do.

Thank you

Uncle PB

Dear m

Tell them it's all good and they delivered my two prem grandkids who were both 1lb and smaller than my palm ..no extra digits ... And they were fantastic

Unk abs ...

Bet that shocked you ...

Abs truth teller

[perthblue02]

Dear Aunty Abbey

Since our last visit to England my husband developed a fear of snow, I would like us to visit again as one of our business acquaintances has promised us a tantric dance for money as he has run into a few problems recently. Can you help me reassure my husband that snow in England does not always manifest itself as face attacking 3" balls

Love Anuardha

[ABBEY]

Dear Mrs crackpot

I can assure you no more snowballs ... Ice balls

[Iceman]

Mike I'm confused

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

Still dry here. I've come to the conclusion drinking is just a habit you get into. I'm out in Spain at the moment so not drinking alcohol is easy. I drink what they call " Mosto " , I believe it's un fermented wine. Low in calories and just over € 1 a big bottle.

What happens when I get back yo the UK next week is another story. My local sells " Erdinger " alkohol frei which isn't bad.

[K-Hod]

I've done better than expected. Went to the pub once the other Saturday when it was snowing, had 3 pints, that's the only alcohol that's passed my lips since New Years' Eve.

I am looking forward to having a good drink again soon though!