[Archived] The Mental Torment of Jason Brown

[jim mk2]

 

LONDON (AP) —

 

 

On the training pitches at Arsenal is where Jason Brown feels at peace. Coaching academy players, the retired goalkeeper feels unburdened of the mental anguish.

 

"This is my distraction," Brown, who played internationally for Wales and in the Premier League for Blackburn Rovers, told The Associated Press. "I honestly feel if I didn't have this distraction (at Arsenal) I might not be having this conversation with you right now."

 

Instead, Brown is hoping to combat any stigma still attached to those in soccer with mental health issues by speaking out about the depression that struck as his playing career came to an end in 2015.

 

Like many professional athletes, Brown reveled in the adulation of fans in packed stadiums and the elevated status he held in the local community. He also craved the structure in his life: Training, rest, matches.

 

"As silly and naive as it might sound you never think there is going to be an end," the 34-year-old Brown recalled. "You never think when you retire what it is going to be like."

 

Then the limelight did fade. No longer was there a routine to follow. And the psychological issues mounted for a player who said he previously never encountered symptoms during his professional career.

 

"I suffer from depression and it's nothing to be embarrassed about," Brown states frankly. "I'll never be cured."

 

Now it is about trying to cope. A few months ago Brown felt he could not while in his car on a motorway near London.

 

"That probably the lowest I was ... the first real time that I made an attempt to actually, where I considered just killing myself," Brown said. "I was so down. I was driving along the M1 and I put my foot down and I didn't take my foot off. And I then I realized that it's not only me I that I am going to be hurting but possibly others. That was a real low, low day my life."

 

It was also part of an acceptance that he needed professional help . Then sitting with his counsellor in October, came a profound and important moment in his post-playing life.

 

"It sounds crazy. I still had the mentality, 'I am a footballer,'" Brown said. "It didn't sink and one day it did sink in, sitting with my counsellor ... and I realized I am no longer a football player anymore. It was quite surreal because all I have known and seen myself as is a football player."

 

Brown isn't alone. It's just that few footballers feel comfortable publicly discussing depression or even seeking help in private. England's Professional Footballers' Association is trying to break that taboo, hoping to convince their members that talking about mental health problems is not a sign of weakness but strength.

 

"We want to change that mindset," said Michael Bennett, the PFA's head of welfare. "It's important for players to talk about the emotional side of things."

 

Welsh players including Brown had to deal with the distress of national team manager Gary Speed dying of hanging in 2011. A coroner later ruled there was insufficient evidence to prove that Speed had committed suicide. In 2009, Germany goalkeeper Robert Enke ended his life by stepping in front of a train.

 

"We as football have a duty of care," said Bennett, whose union backed the #TimetoTalk Day in Britain last week. "We spend a lot of time on the physical aspects of things for the players. I think we need to spend more time on the emotional side. If a player has emotional issues it doesn't matter how fit they are mentally, if they are not in the right place they can't perform."

 

And times are changing. Bennett points to the outpouring of support and sympathy last year for the survivors of sexual abuse he helped. They received private counselling through the PFA, and support in their decision to waive their anonymity to raise awareness of the crimes going on football and the suffering of victims.

 

Going public with mental health problems is not an obligation, with the PFA assuring members of complete confidentiality.

 

"There are concerns at times, 'Where is this information going, will it go back to the club and will it affect me playing?" Bennett said.

 

Brown turned to the PFA after searching for help online at 3 a.m. one day after struggling to cope with depression that was exacerbated by the breakup of his marriage as he retired from playing in 2015 and his father dying.

 

"You become very paranoid, you become very anxious, you don't know who to trust," said Brown, a father-of-three. "It got so bad when I didn't sleep for five days on the trot. I just had no sleep.

 

"I wasn't eating. I lost a lot of weight ... I went on this crazy health kick that you would probably associate with someone who was anorexic."

 

Brown has a message for active and retired footballers needing help with their emotional wellbeing and coping with life after their playing careers end.

 

"Don't feel that you are weak. It makes you far from weak," Brown said. "Someone who is willing to admit they have a problem is stronger than any type of person who is preparing for a competition.

 

"With my depression what I'm trying to make people aware of is: Don't be ashamed. There are more people who have depression ... you can live with it."

 

It's led Brown to a job coaching Arsenal's emerging talent

.

"My work colleagues are very supportive," Brown said. "I openly speak about everything I have been through because that's part of my job and what I want to do — try to help people."

[A cup of beans]

Illuminating message  and integral in the quest to end the stigma.

 

[Dunnfc]

Browny on his day was a good no:2 ... lost his way after us big time. 

Didn't look out of place as a shot stopper in the PL.

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

I remember seeing  him saving a penalty against Wigan. Another one who'd probably walk into today's team. Very brave to come out regarding depression. I've had it and it's a terrible affliction. If you knew me personally you'd never guess. It doesn't respect social class or gender etc Anyone can get it. You can get over it though with the proper treatment. 

Well done Jason.

[Paul]

Thanks for posting this Jim. I have a wonderful friend who has slipped in to a very dark place over the last few months. I recognise many of Brown's words. There are thoughts there I shall try to use.

Other than listening I find it very hard to know what to do to support my friend when she really needs it.

She has professional help but I find myself constantly worried for her. 

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

Hi Paul, give your friend my best wishes and tell her things will get better with time. Be sure that she's taking any medication she's been prescribed. All the best.

[Mike Graham]

It is good to here that the likes of Jason Brown are sharing their mental health torment.  It is still very much a taboo subject and the support from the NHS is not as well funded as it should be, albeit there are many wonderful individuals in the NHS who are doing their best.

I was pleased to hear of the support the PFA are giving.  I would like to see employers doing more and supporting their staff who have mental health issues.

Sorry to hear about your friend Paul.  You are doing a wonderful job just trying to support her - it is not easy and will take a lot out of you emotionally.

[NinjaTattoo]

6 minutes ago, preston blue said:

It is good to here that the likes of Jason Brown are sharing their mental health torment.  It is still very much a taboo subject and the support from the NHS is not as well funded as it should be, albeit there are many wonderful individuals in the NHS who are doing their best.

I was pleased to hear of the support the PFA are giving.  I would like to see employers doing more and supporting their staff who have mental health issues.

Sorry to hear about your friend Paul.  You are doing a wonderful job just trying to support her - it is not easy and will take a lot out of you emotionally.

Yes defiantly good that the PFA are helping , its a problem getting all to familiar now in every walks of life and until you either are a victim of it or know someone who has it  its hard to understand.

Reading that story rings true in so many ways as someone who also suffers from depression for the last 7 months.

Its also hard for people to understand when the subject is either famous or rich as most uneducated people say "wtf have they got to be depressed about must be hard will all that money etc" but its people like Brown who often get overlooked and themselves may not understand why they get depressed.

Hope the lad finds a good place as he said its very hard to cure just gotta find a place where you can cope with it.

[JPTSwindon]

Good for him for being open about this, which will helps other too.

By being open support can be provided.

Good luck to him.

[Paul]

1 hour ago, preston blue said:

Sorry to hear about your friend Paul.  You are doing a wonderful job just trying to support her - it is not easy and will take a lot out of you emotionally.

Thanks. It is very difficult, a constant worry and I have absolutely no idea as to what is an appropriate response. I consider it a privilege she shows enough confidence in me to share this because from the outside very few people are aware of the situation.

Getting the message out there re mental health is very important. With my very limited experience it seems people in this situation have amazing personal strength.

Enough before I start downloading. 

[des]

paul as a mental heath worker, the best you can do is to be a listerning board, its not easy but people with mental heath problems need people to hear there story, also make sure any meds are taken at the right time and doseage

[NinjaTattoo]

2 hours ago, des said:

paul as a mental heath worker, the best you can do is to be a listerning board, its not easy but people with mental heath problems need people to hear there story, also make sure any meds are taken at the right time and doseage

So true that.

I myself am a qualified Mental health /support worker and I suffer with it so I know my own triggers etc but meds aside most people need an ear and a lot of it is built up frustration of not being heard and not being understood.

[jim mk2]

 

Suicide is among the hidden secrets of sport - cricket is particularly prone to it, among them David Bairstow, dad of England wicketkeeper Jonny Bairstow. There's alot of reasons why sportsmen take their own lives and Jason Brown touches on a few of them. Glad he's apparently through the worst and kudos to Arsenal for giving him the chance to rebuild his life. 

[Mattyblue]

Though he didn't take his own life, Marcus Trescothick was another who struggled. International cricket is possibly unique in team sport in the stresses it puts on people, a 'team sport played by 11 individuals'. It can be a very lonely place for a struggling batsman.

As an example of how the madness of the schedule doesn't help, England will be away on tour from of October 2017 until April 2018.  

[1arC]

It reminds me a bit of Clarke Carlisle this story. A guy who is extremely intelligent and had to battle the demons, time after time. He did try to commit suicide and was very close to succeeding.

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

23 minutes ago, Mattyblue said:

Though he didn't take his own life, Marcus Trescothick was another who struggled. International cricket is possibly unique in team sport in the stresses it puts on people, a 'team sport played by 11 individuals'. It can be a very lonely place for a struggling batsman.

As an example of how the madness of the schedule doesn't help, England will be away on tour from of October 2017 until April 2018.  

His autobiography is well worth reading.

[roverandout]

I suffer from bi polar, sometimes i feel really down, i have always kept it to myself

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

Just now, roverandout said:

I suffer from bi polar, sometimes i feel really down, i have always kept it to myself

Trying to put a lighter note on things. Following Rovers at the moment isn't helping any of us sufferers. I bailed out when they appointed Coyle, the situation at the club was getting to me.