Footballisms

[Mike E]

People in and around football say things all the time. Some insightful, some nonsense, some downright funny.

What are your favourites?

I'll start with a classic from Cloughie:

'I wouldn't say I'm the best manager, but I'd say I'm in the top one.'

[simongarnerisgod]

ron atkinson

get to him early doors and give him the reducer

translated as foul the oppositions best player badly,as quick as possible,not applicable in todays contact free game btw

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

4 minutes ago, simongarnerisgod said:

ron atkinson

get to him early doors and give him the reducer

translated as foul the oppositions best player badly,as quick as possible,not applicable in todays contact free game btw

We used to call it " A quietener ".  IE it kept them quiet after that.

Bill Shankly talking about a forward who was a bit lacking in fighting spirit. - " He's got a heart as big as a Carraway seed ".

 

 

[Atko's Engine]

There's surely only one isn't there? 

"Bouncebackability."

Wonderful. Take a bow Iain Dowie.

[rigger]

Another Cloughieism. If I have a disagreement with someone, we sit down and discuss it, then decide I was right.

[Sparks Rover]

The first time I heard, "catch pigeons" someone was describing Franz Carr

[Hoochie Bloochie Mama]

My manager used to scream at me to 'get up his arse'. I took him at his word and duly obliged. I wasn't picked again. 

Edited August 9, 2020 by Hoochie Bloochie Mama

[arbitro]

Clough on Trevor Brooking. He floats like a butterfly and stings like one.

Clough on Franz Carr. He runs like Linford Christie and crosses like him.

[bluebruce]

Dunno who it was, and I'm paraphrasing, but a commentator once said along the lines of, "For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are the ones playing in yellow."

[Herbie6590]

Footballers use of tenses in reported speech...in a way that nobody in real life ever would....

”Well, he’s got the ball on the byline and he’s cut inside and whipped in one to the near post and we’re in front but the penalty changes everything and the ref...he’s seen it as a push and I don’t know where he gets that from but at the end of the day thems the breaks you have to deal with....Clive...”

[Hoochie Bloochie Mama]

"If that had gone in, it would have been a goal." - David Coleman

"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."
Ian Rush on his spell at Juventus (later claimed that Dalglish made it up!!)

Edited August 9, 2020 by Hoochie Bloochie Mama

[Sparks Rover]

Not football, but my all time favourite " the bowlers holding the batsmens willey"

[Amo]

Damn squid.

Also, my pet peeve, turgid - often used to a denote a rubbish game of football, when it means swollen/bloated or a bombastic style of writing.

[tomphil]

1 hour ago, Herbie6590 said:

Footballers use of tenses in reported speech...in a way that nobody in real life ever would....

”Well, he’s got the ball on the byline and he’s cut inside and whipped in one to the near post and we’re in front but the penalty changes everything and the ref...he’s seen it as a push and I don’t know where he gets that from but at the end of the day thems the breaks you have to deal with....Clive...”

That sounds like Kevin Keegan.

[Crimpshrine]

commentators often use the term 'greasy surface' when it's really just wet grass.

[scotchrover]

2 hours ago, Hoochie Bloochie Mama said:

My manager used to scream at me to 'get up his arse'. I took him at his word and duly obliged. I wasn't picked again. 

Memories of Andy Todd...

 

[GHR]

34 minutes ago, scotchrover said:

Memories of Andy Todd...

 

Loved him when he played for us, what he lacked in ability he more than made up for in attitude. Could do with a couple of proper old school types like him these days, might bring some passion and determination back into the dressing room if nowt else.

I know football has changed in general but we used to have some absolute units on our team - Todd, Short, Neill, Savage, Dickov, Bellamy - we had some proper balls on us in them days... We have maybe on Bradley Johnson and a couple more these days cut from that cloth.

[Stuart]

8 hours ago, Amo said:

Damn squid.

Also, my pet peeve, turgid - often used to a denote a rubbish game of football, when it means swollen/bloated or a bombastic style of writing.

Infamous at this point!

I’m guessing people thinks it means ‘languid’. It sounds like it should.

[rigger]

10 hours ago, Amo said:

Damn squid.

Also, my pet peeve, turgid - often used to a denote a rubbish game of football, when it means swollen/bloated or a bombastic style of writing.

Do they not mean , a damp squib. A firework that doesn’t go off ?

[Amo]

1 hour ago, Stuart said:

Infamous at this point!

I’m guessing people thinks it means ‘languid’. It sounds like it should.

It's one of those words that sounds like it should mean something different.
Bit like people thinking "nonplussed" means unimpressed when it means surprised/confused.

3 minutes ago, rigger said:

Do they not mean , a damp squib. A firework that doesn’t go off ?

Indeed. I meant to type damp squid, of course 

[oldjamfan1]

Shankly, Docherty, Cloughie, Big Ron etc were all absolutely brilliant, but Gordon Strachan has come up with some belters too. 
 

When Celtic signed Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink  Strachan said “I promised you a big name signing and here he is”.

And there was the famous retort to the Sky Sports reporter after a game when he answered “Quick word, Gordon?” with “velocity!”

[arbitro]

5 minutes ago, oldjamfan1 said:

Shankly, Docherty, Cloughie, Big Ron etc were all absolutely brilliant, but Gordon Strachan has come up with some belters too. 
 

When Celtic signed Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink  Strachan said “I promised you a big name signing and here he is”.

And there was the famous retort to the Sky Sports reporter after a game when he answered “Quick word, Gordon?” with “velocity!”

Strachan was a real sharp wit as you say Andy. I was fourth official at Birmingham when he was at Southampton and he kept referring to the referee as 'jellyfish'. I was bemused by this and at the end of the game I asked him why and without breaking stride he said "because he has no f***ing backbone"

That made me laugh.

[Riversider28]

This one from Phil Brown - 

If you closed your eyes, you couldn’t tell the difference between the two sides. 

[arbitro]

A lower league Scottish manager (Jim Lambie I think) had a reputation for quick wit. One of his players had gone down with a head injury and was brought off for treatment near the technical area. The manager asked the physio how he was and was told he didn't really know who he was. Quick as a flash he shouted "tell him he's Pele then and throw him back on".

[Amo]

8 minutes ago, arbitro said:

Strachan was a real sharp wit as you say Andy. I was fourth official at Birmingham when he was at Southampton and he kept referring to the referee as 'jellyfish'. I was bemused by this and at the end of the game I asked him why and without breaking stride he said "because he has no f***ing backbone"

That made me laugh.

One of my favourite Strachan moments: