Footballisms

[DeeCee]

Just as a FYI (although I'm sure many of the older posters know) these sporting quotes and gaffes were originally called Colemanballs, a phrase coined by Private Eye magazine to describe the cock ups of sports journalists, after the late David Coleman.

Edited August 11, 2020 by DeeCee

[Mattyblue]

Think it’s still a feature in Private Eye..

[Riversider28]

The late Laurie McMenemy getting his maths all wrong - When you are 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1.

[Dreyski]

1 Sir Bobby Robson: "We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought."

2 Dave Bassett: "You weigh up the pros and cons and put them in chronological order."

3 David Beckham: "My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about seven."

4 Ian Rush: "I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."

5 Kevin Keegan: "Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late twenties or thirties."

6 Mark Viduka: "I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the League."

7 Paul Gascoigne: "I never predict anything and I never will."

8 Ron Atkinson: "Giving the ball away doesn't seem to work in international football."

9 Stuart Pearce: "I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."

10 Terry McDermott: "No one hands you cups on a plate."

[Riversider28]

Commentator - “Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got 11 Dicks on the field”.

Edited August 11, 2020 by Riversider28

[Stuart]

21 minutes ago, Dreyski said:

10 Terry McDermott: "No one hands you cups on a plate."

They do. They just call them saucers Terry.

[Amo]

This thread is so much more entertaining than the Summer Transfers one.

[Riversider28]

35 minutes ago, Amo said:

This thread is so much more entertaining than the Summer Transfers one.

It would be even more entertaining if you gave an example ?

[Elvis Biro]

What about the old, probably apocryphal one that Tommy Docherty used to tell - When he was a kid he got signed up by Preston when they still had Tom Finney playing for them. At some point later on he was offered the fantastic salary of 20 quid a week in the season and 10 quid a week in the close season (used to happen then, kids). He said 'No, I want 20 quid a season and 20 quid close season' The manager said 'Only Tom Finney gets 20 quid a week in the close season, and he's a much better player than you'. Docherty said 'Not in the close season, he's not'.

[bazza]

One of my favourite Coleman balls is when he is commenting on a Lynford Christie race, "as he came round the last bend he opened his legs and showed us his class."

[scotchrover]

.

Edited August 11, 2020 by scotchrover

[scotchrover]

On 10/08/2020 at 20:50, simongarnerisgod said:

ian holloway on qpr performance

 

“To put it in gentleman’s terms if you’ve been out for a night and you’re looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they’re good looking and some weeks they’re not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She weren’t the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let’s have a coffee” – on the “ugly” win against Chesterfield

My all time favourite! 

[Mike E]

Not so much a funny quote but one that bugs me. Any variation of 'You couldn't write a script like this!'

Yes, some of TVs finest script-writers, the likes of Jimmy McGovern, Sally Wainwright, Jed Mercurio, Vince Gilligan and whoever else, couldn't possibly conceive of Gary Taylor-Fletcher scoring in the 85th minute vs Stoke...

[LDRover]

Colin Croft - When coming out to face Ian Bishop you can expect to face a short pitched delivery immediately...if not sooner

[Boroblue]

Tommy docherty was advised by a scout to sign a player. The scout said this guy doesn’t know the meaning of the word defeat. Several months later the scout rang to check on the players progress. Tom docherty replied you’re right he doesn’t know the meaning of the word defeat and I’ll tell you three other words he doesn’t know the meaning of pass , shoot and dribble.

[windymiller7]

9 minutes ago, Boroblue said:

Tommy docherty was advised by a scout to sign a player. The scout said this guy doesn’t know the meaning of the word defeat. Several months later the scout rang to check on the players progress. Tom docherty replied you’re right he doesn’t know the meaning of the word defeat and I’ll tell you three other words he doesn’t know the meaning of pass , shoot and dribble.

?. Apparently defeat is ok - according to Nelson Mandela's chiropodist!

[Oldgregg86]

The commentator just said you can hear the cheers ring around the empty stadium in the Sevilla /man u game

[Commondore]

Marco Van Basten (after having been tackled by Guiseppe Bergomi in a Milan-Inter derby): "Hey Bergomi, not only are you a terrible footballer, you're ugly too"

Bergomi: "Maybe so, but at least I'm not in the gossip tabloids every week."

Van Basten: "That's because you're so ugly."

[Ianrally]

Another classic from Big Ron

”Well Clive, It’s all about the two M’s. Movement and positioning.”

[Ianrally]

Tommy Docherty on Lorenzo Amoruso

” Somebody compared him to Billy McNeil, but I don’t remember Billy being crap.”

[bazza]

Why do British football commentators call Seville by their Spanish name? They say "Say-vee-ya" Why don't they call them by the English term, "Seville"?

If they must use the correct local name for the foreign teams then should be Bayern München. And I bet the cannot pronounce properly "Paris" in Paris Saint Germain.

Anyhow, it should be "Say-bee-ya" for Seville.

[Ianrally]

Here here Bazza. Too many clever dicks these days among so called commentators constantly churning out statistics rather than actually commenting on the game. Tyler being one of the worst.
Oh for the likes of Brian Moore or Kenneth Wolstenhome.

[rickard]

A Swedish hockey coach once tried to inspire his team with:
"Come on guys, they have a bad goalkeeper too"

[arbitro]

During the 1998 World Cup the England players up for a daily media briefing decided to spice the interviews up by getting as many song titles in the interview as possible from a pre selected artist. I remember Shearer got Phil Collins and didn't arouse any suspicion neither did several other of the squad. They were rumbled when Southgate unfortunately drew Wham. When he was asked about the hotel his answer was "it's not exactly Club Tropicana here".

Game over.