Call me naive but I can't keep up with this at all. soueyisgod is English but lives in Spain but is seeing all these "hooligans" whilst he is in Portugal and not drinking heavily? ptholt is from England, once lived near Glasgow, but now lives in Portugal with his wife and children who are Spanish? Meanwhile the worst offenders to date of Euro 2004 (gosh it's exciting - let's see who has the most arrests at the end of the tournament) are the Spanish. How the hell can I comment on any of this from Blackburn, which I think is in England?

For a minute there I thought you were going to say your wife and kids! (Only joking fella - as was Manchester Blue)

You telling me they don't actually eat people? Yes, I'm right naive me. But happy.

Cheers soueyisgod - that saves me from buying the Daily Mail tomorrow. Hooligans, Binge Drinking, Pub Opening Hours - it's all there. Perhaps a paragraph on Asylum? A little verse on The Euro? You'll have all the bases covered then. I wasn't playing it down, it just seems strange that they've been released without charge. As SG194 has said, be careful, because if the sun's too hot and they have too much nasty lager then England fans do actually eat people. In one. I read it on the internet.

Funny how soueyisgod is playing up what happened last night. An outbreak of violence so serious that the four arrested have since been released by the Police without charge (as reported on Sky Sports News in the last half hour).

Nothing to do with me that I'm pleased to report Alan. Although it has put a smile on my face. Having read bits of that article I noticed that they are also known as the "North American 'stifftail' " which certainly backs up your original post. Perhaps they should be called "Randy Duck" ? Elsewhere the article goes on about culls beginning and culls ending, Beginning and then ending, Beginning again and then ending again. Beginning. Then ending. Begnning again. And then ending again."These trials were to discover the best control method for ruddy ducks. The shootings resulted in some birds dying in protracted agony. According to a Department of the Environment report, one bird was shot 13 times and was still alive when picked up from the water. Another took two hours to die." I'm sure many people will be extremely annoyed that this has gone wildly off topic, something I'm well aware of and feel really, really bad about. However, let's just consider that last paragraph again, it's certainly made me change my mind. We have found our answer. Never mind geese, swans, tiger sharks, and mallards. Randy Duck was shot 13 times!! 13 times and was still alive!! What about that eh? Hard as nails in more ways than one. The ducks duck. A beast amongst birds and a right swine with the ladies to boot. Surely the winner?

Ruddy Ducks catchphrase is, I believe "I can do 'em quicker than they can pull 'em from under me". I believe the word is arrogant. No need for it Ruddy Duck, no need at all. He'll get what's coming to him eventually and I for one will sleep a lot better that night I can tell you.

Nice one Macky. I'm in. bob fleming XI: Khan, Miguel, Puyol, A Cole, Ljungberg, Costinha, Lampard, Zidane, Pauleta, Morientes, Rooney. It's coming home....etc..... x14 in the league at the moment I believe.

Ruddy Duck appears to be a lover rather than a fighter Alan. Wouldn't last 30 seconds in with a Mallard.

Ah well, yes, you see, I missed that Tom. I notice you came across some Mallards the other day when running off and not paying for your lunch. The Mallard is the hardest of the lot. It even sounds hard. "Oh look out here comes Mr Swan", "Oh no here's Mr Goose". "Holy s*** Batman!! Here's comes MR MALLARD!!" I think we all know which has the biggest impact and it has nothing to do with capital letters. I've done quite a bit of research on this subject stretching back well over 2.5 minutes now and the mallard is described by many experts on dictionary.com to be "A large wild duck inhabiting both America and Europe . The domestic duck has descended from this species. Called also greenhead. Don’t mess with these lads they’re well up for it." Tom - I think you had a lucky escape my good man. I'd suggest that if Big Col is ever going to sign you for Blackpool you keep well away from any crazy Mallard "firms". They can break your legs with their beaks I heard, from 25 yards.

There's some good sound arguements in there Bryan, I'm a bit perplexed as to why we need X, Y and Z though. Clearly you're not a proper fan etc as your views are slightly different to mine! Isn't this close season slightly better than last though? Last summer I seem to remember 28 weeks of waiting for Duff to be sold. Perhaps we need to take five minutes, have a look at ourselves, take a deep breath, count to ten, look ourselves in the mirror, stand up and be counted and then continue to slag each other off until August 14? We can then lay into Emerton / Souness / Amoruso / whoever anyone feels the need to, again.

They're all in the squad believe me. I'd have Newell above Sutton. It's all down to personal preference isn't it? Not that it matters one bit but Duff, Dunn and Wilcox were all cheaper than Atko.

*Deep breath* Anyway, for what it's worth, which isn't much, here's my best ever team of all time (1981 - Present )... Friedel Berg, Hendry, Moran, Le Saux Ripley, Batty, Sherwood, Duff Shearer, Garner Subs: Gennoe, Fazackerley, Wilcox, Dunn, Jansen I've only included the players I've seen play, unfortunately I haven't even seen the likes of Douglas and Clayton on TV - they'd walk into a best ever XI - but how would I know? We've arguably had better strikers than Garner of course but I don't care. I would also like to play Friedel in a more central position, but he won't budge, he's providing good cover for Henning though.

Quick! someone get an adult - lofty's lost it completely!!

Tell you what Prophet of Doom your turning into a right Prophet of Doom. You don't sit on the Riverside do you? Is that you with the scythe and that big black cloak thing? Rovers Ticket Office:- "There's a man here who wants to renew his season ticket." "What's his name?" "Prophet of Doom" "Oh no. Not him again" "He wants to pay cash - says we'll lose his cheque and any credit card transactions we'll process twice in error" "It's the same every year" "He says we've never been the same since we sold Oysterhausen and what are we going to do when he can't get in for the first game of the season when the new electronic turnstiles go faulty?" "Give him a free season ticket and tell him to clear off" "Will do Graeme"

You alright 6? You go steady with those optimism pills

I doubt Yorke will be here next season. I presume you mean Stead and Gallagher learning from "Speedies surrogate brother" rather than "stead and cole"? Either way my answer is yes. I'm looking forward to next season far more knowing that I'll be able to watch a player who actually gives a damn rather than "Sammy the sloths surrogate cousin" Dwight Yorke.

Dickov has been signed as an older head while Gallagher and Stead get a bit more experience. Matteo will do a job for us. He was Leeds Capt last season and according to Leeds fans (unleaded posted a link in the Matteo thread) is one of only a few to emerge with any credit last season. He can also play as a holding midfielder. That would presumably leave us with just a left winger to find with whatevers left of the budget. So maybe, just maybe, we don't have any money to spend. Or what we do have will have to be spent on picking up bargains. Take a look at the AGM thread (which should be stuck at the top of this MB IMO) and you'll recall we have a wage bill in excess of £30 million. Sure it would be nice to make a big signing, someone to excite the fans and all that. Encourage people to buy season tickets. I doubt it's going to happen. A lot of football clubs are on the verge of financial metdown. Let's not go there. (Bolton : Free tarnsfers or loans - massive wages I'd imagine. Bridges?!?! Fulham : ? Have they got their own ground yet? Spurs : Large share issue. Short term fix?)

It's either Fulham or Andy Cole. Both have been left out. Probably on purpose. No - I'll say it's Fulham.

I'll be using that from here on in if I may "foremost hands-on-hipster " It'll never catch on though. Tom - your face isn't grumpy enough, you're clearly not shaking your head or looking for Dwight Yorke / Gordon Taylor.

Mr Blue! In brief response: - 1. That's arguable IMO. Some games yes, some games no. Some games the last 10-15 minutes. (Not that anyone remembers those last 10-15 more than the rest of the game or anything). 2. He was innocent! 3. I doubt anyone will offer £2million for Cole let alone £17million. If someone came in with the right money for the club (again) he'd be off. It's slightly different to our wanting to sell him. I agree that it was a poor omission by the LET in not including Cole in their article. It only adds fuel to the fire for those that want to say he'll be sold.

There you are then. Just as I said. There's no problem there at all.

Perhaps Graeme would be better off pointing Stead and Gallagher in the direction of Andy Cole then? "There you are lads see how he stands about with his hands on his hips like he's totally ****** off" - "there you go lads see how Andy is now reporting me to the PFA" - "there you go lads see how Andy wants more time off from training even though we're in a relegation battle". It's all been said before Rev but at the end of the day I'd imagine that Souness and Cole will get on because they have to - for the good of the club. I doubt they're ever going to be the best of buddies so it's hardly surprising that Souness hasn't mentioned Andy as a role model. As for the Cole leaving Ewood story - you did well to conclude that from yesterday's LET. Williams has already said that he'll be here next season. Stranger things have happened of course - but if someone comes in with £3million (when he'll walk away at the end of next season for nothing) what would you do?

If we can award ourselves goals I forecast a memorable but controversial tournament I think we'll all be pleasantly surprised at the number of goals Gerrard awards us in this tournament. His influence shouldn't be underestimated.

We're fourth favourites with the bookies - due to the amount of money that is put on England you can take it that the odds have been shortened somewhat - so we're probably 5th / 6th favourites, which to me suggests we have a chance. I've got it all mapped out - it seems obvious. Sunday 13 June 19.45 - France 1 England 1 - Beckham penalty. Thursday 17 June 17.00 - England 2 Switzerland 0 - Owen, Rooney. Monday 21 June 19.45 - Croatia 0 England 1 - Lampard. We qualify in second place because of goal difference (France beat the Swiss 6-0) Thursday 24 June 20.45 - Spain 1 England 2 - Scholes, Rooney. (UEFA try, but fail, to expel England from the tournament after this game as 1. They realise we have a chance of winning it and 2. There is a disgraceful incident in one of the bars after the game when an England fan drops, and smashes, his pint glass. The fan pays for another pint and pays for the broken glass but it is too late as the pub is surrounded by 300 riot Police. Sven arrives on the scene. He calms the Police down and says in that cool way of his, with a cheeky smile, "Don't be so silly, it's not a big deal" - peace is restored and all is soon forgotten) Wednesday 30 June 20.45 - Holland 0 England 1 - Beckham Free Kick. The Final - Sunday 04 July 20.45 - France 2 England 4 - Owen hat trick, including one that may have crossed the line / may not - but it's given by the Russian fourth official (who wasn't even looking) and Gerrard. Either that or we'll not even qualify from the group. Anything could happen. Law of averages suggests we're due to get to another final one day. Why not now?