[Archived] Spurs 0 - 0 Rovers

[Nuclearsox]

As you may be aware, Scotty was supposed be doing this preview. Unfortunately he recently had a minor problem with his PC which, following advice from a couple of technically-minded friends, turned into a major problem with associated burning smell and sporadic popping sounds. As a result Scotty?s planned review of the season has had to be postponed and I have agreed to post this preview on his behalf. Well, it was the least I could do.

For this preview I thought I'd take a look at just some of the illustrious players Rovers might expect to be facing on Sunday. I haven't had time to do a great deal of research so I do apologise if any of the information is accurate in any way.

Paul Robinson (Goalkeeper)

Originally turned down a move to the biggest club in the world when it seemed that a financial rescue package for relegation bound Leeds United might materialise. Eventually joined Tottenham when he realized what a big club they are, what superb facilities they have and that it was a dream move for him and his family ..... oh and that, if he stayed at Leeds, they wouldn't be able to pay him.

Goran Bunjevcevic (Defender)

Wimbledon champion 2001

Erik Edman (Defender)

Erm, I think Goran beat this guy in the semi-final. I can't be sure. I hate tennis.

Michael Dawson (Defender)

I knew a lad at school called Tony Dawson. He was a complete arse. Michael may be related. Of course, he may not either. Hard to say really.

Ledley King (Defender).

No right-minded parent would ever call their son Ledley (or Leslie.. or Lee Grooby for that matter) but that was infinitely better than his real name - the anagrammatical Kyle Dingle. Fair play to the lad for attempting to cover that up but his Dingle characteristics still show through. Not only is he his own uncle but he also has all the limb co-ordination of a drunken giraffe on an ice-rink.

Philip Ifil (Defender)

Ifil famously took a depressed, squalid, run down area of Paris and built a majestic iron tower providing a focal point for birds of all shapes, sizes and colours to gather and harass tourists and passers-by for scraps of food before crapping on their coats. Now apparently doing the same in North London although without the tower.

Simon Davies (Midfielder)

Second only to Jonathan Greening in the worst Premiership hairstyle competition, Davies is the only Welsh International Mark Hughes has not been reported to be interested in signing. I guess even the newspapers have to retain a little credibility.

Michael Brown (Midfielder)

Ex-Sheffield United clogger who makes Robbie Savage look cultured. Worth 24 points in scrabble, 4 points in snooker and 3 points to Rovers if he plays.

Andy Reid (Midfielder)

Having seen the success of Javier De Pedro at Ewood Park, Spurs were keen to enlist their own overweight, inept, left winger and this is time no-one can deny Spurs succeeded.

Dean Marney (Midfielder)

Burst onto the scene in spectacular fashion as a member of Frank Sinatra's "Rat Pack" but became famous as much for his drinking as for his singing. He once said "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." (Which, incidentally, casts doubts over the sobriety of a number of Arsenal players). Dean died o on Christmas Day, 1995 of acute respiratory failure, aged 78, before joining Spurs on a free.

Freddie Kanoute (Forward)

Full of misplaced ambition but not blessed with much in the way of brains. First, as King of England, he believed he could turn back the incoming tide and almost drowned, then he believed he could win something by joining Spurs. What a prize lemon!

Robbie Keane (Forward)

Keane is obviously best known for his hit single "Everybody's changing" but he also has an unusual goal celebration. For some inexplicable reason, whenever he scores, he acts out his favourite scene from "The Three Amigos".

Hossam Ahmed Mido (Forward)

Signed completely by mistake. When he took over the reigns at Spurs,Martin Jol was asked which players he would be looking to sign. Jol cleared his throat and the next day this bloke turned up at White Hart Lane.

Jermaine Defoe (Forward)

North London's Milan Baros. The buck-toothed centre forward can, will and does shoot from anywhere rather than consider passing. He likes nothing better that running with the ball to the edge of the opposition penalty area before blasting it point-blank at the centre back's shin - normally winning a throw level with his own 18-yard box.

Martin Jol (manager)

One of the more natural career progressions amongst the Spurs staff. From the bungling, blundering, strangely-accented Colonel Von Strohm in charge of small group of incompetent fools in 'Allo 'Allo to Tottenham manager. The experience gained in his futile quest for the "Fallen Madonna Viz Ze Big Boobies" should prove invaluable in his equally futile search for silverware for Spurs.

Spurs Manager -------------------- Colonel Von Strohm

So that's it for Premiership previews for another season. To whet your appetite for next season, here a just a few of the often asked but hitherto unanswered footballing questions that Scotty will be delving into for us next season:

1. Does Roman Abramovic have any idea what's going on?

Scotty investigates what, if anything, is going on behind that familiar facial expression.

2. Grabbi, why?

An objective look into what else we could have had for ?7M

3. who ate all the pies?

Scotty enjoys a culinary discussion with David Dunn.

4. What's it like to follow s***?

From the bottom to the Irish Sea just off Blackpool, Scotty explores the british sewage system.

5. What the f-flippin' heck was that?

From coins and mobile phones to Werther?s Originals, Scotty?s essential guide to some of the obscure things supporters throw onto the field of play.

6. Who the f-flippin' heck are you?

Scotty takes a look at Rovers surprising goalscorer against Fulham

7. Where the f-flipin' heck am I?

Scotty revisits some of the exotic locales he's woken up in whilst travelling back to Manchester from away games this season.

Edited May 11, 2005 by Nuclearsox

[Cocker]

Brilliant write up Mr Sox

I just hope we get three points from this and Newcastle loose. Dont care how we do it but I would love to see the look on Souey's face when he sees we finished above the Geordies in the league.

[Blackpool_Rover]

great preview

[greggyk]

another great preview!

So, what are we doing for Spurs on Sunday this time then?

Have we decided yet.

[bellamy11]

Glad you had that saved somewhere Sox! Very entertaining.

Spurs win 2-0. Rovers are playing at a level below since the Palace game, and with some justification. Every one of them has put in a magnificent effort over the second half of the season and as I read the relegation permutations I had to thank God that we weren't a part of them because I'm not sure I could have handled it.

[Nayef]

"Hossam Ahmed Mido (Forward)

Signed completely by mistake. When he took over the reigns at Spurs,Martin Jol was asked which players he would be looking to sign. Jol cleared his throat and the next day this bloke turned up at White Hart Lane. "

I reckon Spurs 1 Blackburn 2 with King scoring first before Emerton equalizes. Rovers supporters are left stunned when Reid's goal turns out to be the winner.

I'm probably dreaming and we'll lose 3-0 but hey tis end of season.

[bob fleming]

Michael Brown (Midfielder)

Ex-Sheffield United clogger who makes Robbie Savage look cultured. Worth 24 points in scrabble, 4 points in snooker and 3 points to Rovers if he plays.

Quality Sox! You should do these full time!

Spurs away last game of the season, again. 4-0 Rovers. Rob Savage with all 4.

[jim mk2]

In order to qualify for Europe, Tottenham need to beat Rovers by two more goals than Man City score in beating Middlesbrough.

QED: unprofessional inept Rovers have given up for the season, so in a reversal of three years ago:

Tottenham 4 Rovers 0

Edited May 11, 2005 by jim mk2

[laughatthedingles]

Anyone dressing up and/or taking inflatables?? I'm wearing the 95 winners shirt and I'm gonna try and get a few blow ups.

[Hasta]

I'm with Jim. Rovers bang out of form at the minute, can't score and nothing to play for.

Tottenham have to beat us and will. 3-0

I'm not one normally to bet on Rovers losing but the 4/6 available on Tottenham at Betfair looks very tempting.

[ROVERS]

We are going to end this last game deemed as a bunch of Dream breakers.........................

Lets not forget Rovers is a Devil's team............ Our job is not juz to play soccer......... be break, shatter, crack, blast, destroy. Dreams of other teams

Rovers to win with a ridiculous scoreline of 4-0

stead x2

MGP x1

Todd x1

lets end this season with a win please....................

[SAS]

Rovers cant win to save our lives now that we are safe, poor mentality i feel

spuds 3- 0 rovers

[James No. 7]

I have only predicted wins for us this season, and I am not going to stop now!

1 - 0 to the Rovers, with Stead scoring the winner.

[Finch]

Anyone dressing up and/or taking inflatables?? I'm wearing the 95 winners shirt and I'm gonna try and get a few blow ups.

Maybe Jordan could bring his girlfriend again

Last season this fixture were a laff. We even got the stewards involved.

There doesn't seem to be much interest in it this time around

It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that tickets have gone up from ?25 (i think) last season to ?34 for this season.

[Manchester Blue]

Any pub recommendatiosn? I know some people went to a weatherspoons last year but I hear it was rammed and not all that great. Anyone got any plans?

cheers

[SouthAussieRover]

Spurs 1 Rovers 3

[Biddy]

Any pub recommendatiosn?  I know some people went to a weatherspoons last year but I hear it was rammed and not all that great.  Anyone got any plans?

cheers

Oi, you should be working, not thinking about pubs! Although I would like to know where we're meeting.

Edited May 12, 2005 by Biddy

[Ste B]

Any pub recommendatiosn? I know some people went to a weatherspoons last year but I hear it was rammed and not all that great. Anyone got any plans?

cheers

That would be the Gilpins Bell. As you say it is packed

Theres the Red Lion which was a decent pub.

We went to the Victoria an irish bar, just 5 minutes away.

<<< Click Here >>>

[Ricky]

I'll be at this one, although unfortunately I will be in the Spurs end with Mrs Ricky's Spurs supporting dad.

If anyone has any suggestions of a meet up I will be up for it. I'm staying in London on Saturday night so I will be around for a beer on Sunday Lunch Time.

[duff]

we will lose 2-0

[robbojohnno]

we will lose 2-0

0-8 stead(3) pedersen(3) derbyshire(1) tayler(1)

that makes up for your negative scoreline

[BRFC4EVA]

4. What's it like to follow s***?

From the bottom to the Irish Sea just off Blackpool, Scotty explores the british sewage system.

Brilliant, laughing for ages at that. Nice 1.

Im going to the game on sunday and we need 3 points to hopefully finish above n'castle and b'ham. I think it will be a draw with Stead scoring for us. Looking forward to having a laugh tho, but role on next yr.

[S15]

0-0.

Team:

Friedel

Neill Nelsen Amoruso Mokeona Todd McEverley Matteo Flitcroft Savage Johansson

[CAPT KAYOS]

1 v 0 Defoe (now where have I seen that before) and even more if we play like we did against Fulham

[greggyk]

anyone know a site where they sell good cheap inflatables?