Funny stuff

[RoverDom]

[oldjamfan1]

Does anyone know a good welder in Manchester? There's a bus that needs its roof putting back on.

[lsp82]

 

[DeeCee]

Ball and cock spring to mind.

 

 

[RoverDom]

Here's a sore one that must have been hilarious to watch. I was out for a run last night round town. Running down a footpath I approach a crossing where you can either take the steps downs or go down a disabled ramp which comes out at the bottom of the steps before you can cross the road. Little did I know in the dark that at the bottom of the steps is metal railings and you're meant to go right about 8ft and then it opens up to the road. 

Anyway, I approach the steps and I'm already checking the road is clear as I hop down the steps. Just by luck I'd timed it quite well that when I get to the road there should be a decent gap. I come off the last step and go to put a little burst on that I usually do when crossing roads. There was just enough space to get a decent bit of acceration before I smacked straight into the railings. 

Someone looking out the window of their house would have got a good you've been framed video for sure! I've just got bruised ribs and a mega deadleg 

[Gav]

This is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time, had me crying.

 

[Dreyski]

Childish, but it amuses me.

[Gav]

[RoverDom]

1 hour ago, Gav said:

On transfer deadline day? That could be harder than you think

[Gav]

It’s not every day you wake up, head to the car and find this fine fellow bidding you good morning.

I wasn’t phased at all…..Honest…..

 

[Mike E]

Where do you live?!

[DeeCee]

[Gav]

[DeeCee]

Sorry

[Mike E]

1 hour ago, DeeCee said:

Sorry

Reminds me of an oldie but a goodie.

A lady hears a knock at the door. She goes to answer and a man stood there says 'I'm terribly sorry, but I've just run over your cat.'

'Oh no, that's awful.'

'As a token of sorrow, I'll happily replace him?'

'That's alright with me I suppose, but how are you at catching mice?'

[den]

 

[Silas]

 

 

[Mike E]

1 hour ago, Silas said:

 

 

That made me roar 😂

[Silas]

52 minutes ago, Mike E said:

That made me roar 😂

Fairly mind blowing how many heads it's managed to go over, and are outraged. 🤦‍♂️

[RoverDom]

1 hour ago, Silas said:

Fairly mind blowing how many heads it's managed to go over, and are outraged. 🤦‍♂️

One I read was along the lines of "I know it's a joke mate but you're implying you had respect for the taliban in the first place" 

[Dreyski]

8 hours ago, Silas said:

Fairly mind blowing how many heads it's managed to go over, and are outraged. 🤦‍♂️

That might be funnier than the original tweet. 😆

[oldjamfan1]

[RoverDom]

Someone in the Facebook group of the town my parents live in is kicking off about fluoride in the water starting a campaign for fluoride free water etc etc. I posted commenting that the stuff coming out of our taps contains a high concentration of Dihydrogen Monoxide (for those who don't get it Google it) and stating alarming facts such as it is a major component of acid rain, corrodes metal, in gas form it can cause severe burns, if inhaled can cause choking etc etc.. I thought it was pretty funny until one sciencey type came in and said "what you fail miserable to comprehend is that there are loads of dangerous substances surrounding us and even in our bodies...." 

 

I've never enjoyed someone not getting a joke so much especially the arrogance with which he replied. 

 

Anyway, the DHMO parody is one of my favourite jokes going.

[DeeCee]

[RoverDom]

Has to be one of my favourite memes